one of those days




Hi friends.  Yesterday was just one of those days.  I went to yoga, came home, made lunch and had a few errands to run but decided against that.  Instead I stayed home and kinda felt sorry for myself.  Days like that happen and come out of nowhere.  Today is better tho.  That's how it goes, up and down and I'm powerless over that.  All I have to do is just let it all flow.  There's no good or bad, right or wrong, just what is.  And that's how I'm getting through this.  x

PS - Just lazed around in comfort in these Everlane chinos and a super soft 2nd hand white cotton blouse. 








63 comments

  1. You are such a beautiful spirit, namaste... Warmly, Deb

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  2. Such a beautiful picture of you, Janet! Larry would be proud of you. Keep taking it one day at a time. It's all any of us can do.

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  3. Hi Janet,

    I remember so well how the bad days hit out of the clear blue and just about take your breath away. I hope it helps to know that some of your followers know a bit of what you are going through. You are entitled to "feel sorry" for yourself. I believe that the hole that we feel in our hearts is the piece of us our husbands took with them. Somehow that helped me cope with the pain. xo Debbie

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    1. thank u debbie. i know a few of you have walked before me and i do take comfort in all your words. x

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  4. Oh - and you look beautiful as always!

    Debbie

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  5. I'm sorry, Janet. It sounds like you're being patient with yourself, and that's a good thing. I'm so glad you're continuing this blog because hopefully you feel the love; and, unlike a job, it's something that you can do on your own terms when you feel like it. You look lovely in this photo! The blouse looks so comfortable, just the kind of thing to wrap yourself in on a day you're feeling down. Have you been out in the garden much? What kind of seasonal cleanup do you have to do in your climate? Selfishly loving these daily posts again. Take care. xo

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    1. kathy yes, now that the temps are much cooler i have been assessing the situation. there is always a big cleanup here as ea season changes. it's overwhelming tbh. i want to try and not cut back my perennials until late winter/early spring. i've read it's good to leave the old plants for the birds thru the winter. i don't know exactly what i'll do but nows the time to do something! x

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  6. Dear Janet, Tomorrow will be six years since my husband passed away. Grief still comes in waves. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself any damn time you feel like it. I admire how well you seem to be doing. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. April

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    1. thank u for sharing april. yes that is what i hear a lot. out of the blue it hits or someone says something and it gets me thinking and then bam i don't see it coming. thank u for sharing. x

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  7. Oh no, just do exactly as you are doing now and take it slow. I feel like I can't really give you any advice because I haven't experienced what you're going through, but I do know I want you to be well. Take care.

    Huge hugs,
    D.

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  8. I'm sorry, Janet. A friend used to call that "sneaker waves," coming out of nowhere, taking you by surprise and knocking the breath out of you. Be gentle with yourself.

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  9. Oh, so sorry. I sure wish there was something all of us readers could reach through the screen to do. You, in your difficult time, are so selflessly sharing thoughts and wisdom and great information always so beautifully. Taking care of yourself and baby steps and the tincture of time .......
    Hugs to you, and thank you for all you continue to give ❤️

    Shelley

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    1. thank u shelley. writing here helps so much and then some days i can't. but the blog is a blessing as are all of you. x

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  10. It's a process for certain. When my 30 yo son died, my mantra was 'when you're going through hell, keep going'. It's the only way to get beyond the grief. Go through the pain and you'll come out the other side a stronger survivor.
    You are so kind and brave to share yourself with us and we love you.💕

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    1. I am so sorry you lost your son. All my best to you.

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    2. dear betty oh i'm so sorry. losing a child oh gosh. but we are all powerless over it all whatever comes our way. thank u for sharing and i love that winston churchill quote. i think of it often. i'm taught that i must walk through it, there are no shortcuts. x

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  11. Dearest Janet, the sadness that surrounds you is almost palpable. It must be so hard! Be gentle with yourself, treat yourself! Perhaps a change of scenery might do you good? When you were staying with Larry at his father's place didn't you take regular walks in the woods?
    Please know that we your readers do care about you - a lot!

    Tanja

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    1. thank u tanja. yes we would walk through those beautiful mountains. i think of all the wonderful times we had there. even with the amazing skiing those walks were just incredible. what a blessing that was. my father in law now lives close by me. x

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  12. So many great comments here, I won't try to re-say any of them. Just kind of blown away by your strength, and also by how beautiful it is to see in these comments how we women can be so loving and supportive when one of us is hurting, even if we don't know each other. (Because, actually, we do, don't we?)

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    1. so true! i do feel as if i know you all and i am 100% with all of us supporting ea other. the kindness here is real. x

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  13. Dearest Janet, I wish you could feel the big hug I am sending you! I have had some major losses in my life, one just 6 months ago, and when one of "those days" hits, I just try to be gentle with myself & know this too shall pass, even if it still hurts like heck. When my dear Mom passed many years ago, a friend who also happened to be a Catholic priest told me when those bad days hit, he thought in his experience with grieving & helping others through bereavement that that was when our departed loved ones were closest to us. It was not only us missing them, but them missing us too. As crazy as it sounds, that seemed to help me! After my mom died, we started finding dimes in the craziest places & we knew it was a "sign" from my Mom as there was a crazy little story in our family about that! We have heard others have had the same experience with dimes! We still find them & it is so sweet to have a little nudge from my Mom that she is still beside us. Continue to be gentle & patient with yourself. I hope knowing that you have so much love & support going to you will be a small comfort. You have such a beautiful, kind spirit, Janet & I am so sorry you are going through this. You gave so much love to Larry; now it is time for you to give that love to yourself. Katie from Hunt.Beach

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    1. thank u katie for sharing that story. how funny the dimes. i've not heard that but i def feel larry's spirit here. at times it's comforting and others i just want him here. it's all so weird but each day i get a little better? some days no tho. like your friend the priest said maybe those hard days are larry telling me to just slow down and be ok with the grief. thanks. x

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  14. Grief is a stinker! But, it is what it is and you will heal. Everyday is new with all the ups and downs, just remember it will be different with time. It's been a year since my Dad past unexpectedly. It's been a blur of unforeseen feelings, and memories popping up. But, the grief has lessened. Just know we all care to hear from you, and you are a joy to us all. And the outfit!!! Lovely!
    Lisa in Fort Worth

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    1. thank u lisa. i know it will take time maybe forever? x

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  15. You are so wise...you seem to know exactly what you need. Quiet cocooning in your beautiful cottage and dressing in comfy clothes...I cannot think of a better way to ride those waves of grief.
    Not sure if you are a knitter but I found knitting helped me through some tough days in the past.
    XO

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    1. thanks leslie. i do crochet. i think i'll pick it up as the weather continues into winter. x

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  16. You're such an artist.

    And I'm glad you're giving yourself permission for the weird surprises of grief.

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  17. I couldn't agree more with "Down Raspberry Lane", we are all in this world together and feel your pain and grief Janet. Follow your instincts with what you need to nurture yourself and remember that we all love hearing from you.

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    1. thanks cheri and thanks for being supportive and always reading along. x

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  18. Absolute truth - it's the way it is and you need to go with it. Sending a huge hug.

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  19. one day at a time -- you're doing your best and that is enough. hang in there.

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  20. You are doing what is right for you and listening to your heart. You are at a time in life when you are not being distracted by the demands of job and family, do you think that makes it harder or easier? To have time to work through your grief or to be taken out of it with other needs?

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    1. oh yes i do think it's easier. i'd be so stressed if i had a real schedule to stick to right now. i couldn't imagine but i know most women have to keep working and they are amazing for being able to show up like that. i'm so blessed to be able to make it on ssi and from the little blog income. x

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  21. I have found that grief comes in waves, & often when you least expect it. When possible I just go with it & bawl my eyes out until I feel somewhat better. Or take a day to just head to my back porch with a book or for a long nap. Less than 5 years after losing my husband unexpectedly, I lost my adult son...also unexpectedly. I don't think there is a pattern to grief, & I don't ever want to anticipate or gauge my grief by a certain stage. It is all bad, & I just cry when I need to, or eat ice cream from the container for dinner or start a project. We all cope differently & I don't think there are any rules.

    And on another note, the photo of you looks like it should be a French painting...not that I know anything about French paintings!

    Anita ~ the cabin on the creek
    ...all is grace!

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    1. anita i appreciate your wisdom and i'm so sorry for both your losses. there really are no words to express that sorrow. you are a strong woman judging by your comments over the years and i will take your advice. and thank u re the french painting. you are wayyyyy tooooo kind. x

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  22. You are a beautiful soul, Janet. Thank you for being real. Sending love. xo karen

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  23. I discovered a photograph of myself as a baby one day and put it out where I see it often. One day I looked at that innocent child and thought about how difficult life has been. I vowed to be good to that little girl... to myself... because I forget that I deserve it as well as everyone I have cared for over the years. Women with a lifetime of experiences forget to do that I think. I no longer think of it as feeling sorry for one's self, but instead being good to yourself. It is time and you have earned that.

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    1. what a wonderful idea nanette. i've been told to put myself first now and while it feels uncomfortable i'm doing a pretty good job. thanks for sharing. x

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  24. "For in grief nothing "stays put." One keeps on emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I am on a spiral?

    But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?

    How often -- will it be for always? -- how often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, "I never realized my loss till this moment"? The same leg is cut off time after time.
    C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

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    1. Hi Rosie, I've also read that book and think it is fantastic. I want to re-read it now you've reminded me! Kay

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    2. oh gosh that is crazy bc that i just what it feels like rosie! x

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  25. I too have had loss, huge loss in my life and I understand. Praying for you, and may God send His special and private signs to you, whether it be a cardinal or butterfly...perhaps a dime as the above commentor so sweetly expressed. I really do think that there is something to what that Catholic priest shared. Praying for you. I always enjoy peeping into your life. You're sojourning beautifully, as said from someone who is also a companion of grief.

    Blessings and prayers, a hug. ~Amelia

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    1. thank u amelia. i take great comfort in nature. i love sitting in my meditation garden and when i get still all the butterflies, birds and squirrels come alive and just circle me with their transformative love. it's a real thing. x

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  26. You beautiful soul! I hope you can feel all the virtual hugs we are sending your way! You are touching our hearts, for some, you are helping us with our pain. I wish we could all just get together for a talk, coffee and a group hug!

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  27. I have those days too. Just love and take care of yourself, there is always tomorrow! Notice the beauty around you and be grateful for everything you have. My heart is with you, and I know just how that feels!

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  28. It seems to me you're doing exactly as you should be doing, Janet . . . as much as can be done in this hard time. I love this quote: "I've learned one thing about life - It goes on." by Mark Twain. And we see you doing that in a beautiful way - going on the very best way you can! Love you! Kay

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    1. exactly kay. it just goes on. and that's the way it is supposed be. x

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  29. When my husband died years ago, I told a friend that every day was a bad day. Then some days would start out pretty good, but something would happen and it would turn into a bad day. Eventually, more days would be okay. Gosh, some days are just tough. Take good care. You look lovely as always.

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    1. right colleen. that's just the way it is. i'm learning that when i feel good that's ok and when i feel bad that's ok too. no more judging. x

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  30. A friend said to me the bad days never go away but the gaps between them eventually get longer. You are riding the waves and the smooth seas will appear, it just takes a while. 2 years down the line and my seas can still be stormy but the gaps are ever so slightly longer. Take care of yourself.

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    1. thank you for sharing your experience and strength marilyn. x

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kindness is never out of style.

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