still


Hello sweet friends.  I'm writing because a few of you have reached out expressing concern for me.  I'm still here.  The word still seems to be my word these days.  This month will be 3 years since Larry died.  Just typing that gives me chills...still.




For forty years it was we.  Getting used to that stillness takes some getting used to.  Anderson Cooper's voice reporting the evening news is comforting. It's really not what he says it's just the voice.   Little rituals seem very important to me now.  I like being in before it gets dark.  Opening and closing the drapes at just the right time each day.  Certain lights on at certain times.  Small patterns keep me grounded.  I can't explain it but that's how I am now.  As a child I always liked being alone so I think that is in my blood and my saving grace.  I have several widow friends and they are unbearably lonely.  I don't feel lonely but I am aware that I am alone so there is that.  Maybe that'll pass one day?  

There are heartbreaking times for sure.  Watching my young grandchildren play and knowing they will never know him can be gut-wrenching.  I'm glad my older grandaughter has lots of memories of him.  

I hope this did not sound morose because I am surrounded by a loving family and many friends.  I feel very loved.  Thank you as always because without you this blog would never have been anything.  Do you know that over 10M people have read this blog?  23K just last month. 

So the world does goes on.  xo



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