9 days in

Nine days ago Larry lost his fight with cancer.  He died peacefully, which is a blessing beyond words because there was nothing peaceful about his cancer.  From the get-go he was in pain.  Sometimes so severe I didn't think he'd make it.  He truly was the strongest man I've ever known.  We had several near death situations and he always pulled through.  He was so brave.  But this past month was dreadful for him.  The pain and anxiety were unbearable at times.  So I'm grateful that his actual death was peaceful and the pain is gone.

I've learned so much this past 15 months.  So much about living, dying and just surviving.  I'm exhausted but wanted to let you know that all your prayers and well wishes were SO important to us.  Some days I'd just read your comments for strength. 

It has taken me these 9 days to just gather my thoughts and I do believe I want to continue blogging.  It seems so weird for me to go from grief to writing again so we will see how that goes.  But I will tell you some of my calmest moments were being in the garden or just sitting pouring over decorating books.

So thank you again sweet, loving friends.  You all feel like family to me.  xo 

living seasonally

Hello dear dear friends.  Gosh it has been awhile since I wrote.  Every day I make an attempt to write something and wind up closing my computer.  It's such a private time in my life and yet I know from the outpouring of love I've received from you all, you guys do care about what is happening here.   So let's get up-to-date, shall we?

We have good and bad days still.  I wish there were more good ones but that isn't how it is.  Living in reality isn't easy.  Larry is on hospice and as scary as that sounds, it's a blessing.  Hospice nurses are angels sent directly to us to help us through these confusing and sometimes unbearable days.  It is such a relief to have someone to rely on 24/7.  No more cold, sterile hospitals.

One of the things I've been reading about and adopting into my life is living seasonally.  I suppose we all to some extent already do it but I've really immersed myself.  In a nutshell, it is moving, eating and sleeping with the season.  It is a beautiful way to live and I wish I'd started sooner.  But it's never too late.

There is a beauty to having to submit to the rhythm of this season. I am up very early and go to bed very early.  I bundle up each day and go for a walk and truly take in the beauty of the moment. Whether it is the foliage or birdsong, I notice it all.

I am also eating with this season.  Lots of roasted root vegetables in soups and stews simmering on the stove.  Citrus is in abundance in my neighborhood so I've been eating lots of oranges, lemons and grapefruit. 

Enough about me.  I'd love to hear what you are up to.  What season are you are living in and what do your days look like?



Good morning friends.  I wanted to pop in because I know a lot of you have reached out to me and I've been too overwhelmed to talk or answer emails and comments.  I'm just taking things one day at a time.  Larry is home with me and we just take each day as it comes.  I know you all will understand my inability to blog during this time.  Please know that all your prayers and comforting thoughts are incredibly helpful.  Thank you so very much for understanding.  xo

stuff will never make me happy

So why do I keep buying things?

I think in troubling times I often reach out in a retail sort of way to find some comfort but it never works. It is temporary at best. I always think that if I get what I want...then I'll be happy.  But the truth is that for me, getting what I think I want never makes me happy.  Reaching outside myself for comfort always leaves me empty.  It is only through accepting exactly what is at this very moment, do I find peace.

So my holiday wish to you dear readers is that you find peace and happiness right here in the present moment - no matter what that moment holds.  Things are not going to be okay.  They ARE okay right now.


100 things

Back in 2014 I came across a 100 things challenge and loved it.  It involves getting rid of 100 things per month.  I'm thinking at this time of year when society and media is convincing us to pack our homes to the hilt with more stuff, maybe we shouldn't.  I know, I know what a terrible time to do this Janet.  I myself have been adding to my Christmas and birthday wish list quite excitedly.  But maybe we can be thoughtful about this challenge.  Maybe we can look in drawers, cupboards and closets and donate the things we no longer use.  Perhaps a warm coat or boots that no longer fit.  Would they be better off in another home?  What about kitchen gadgets that sit and gather dust?   Lets be rebels and get rid of things.  This is my original post of 100 things to read.  Can you get into this right now?  I can.  xo
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