break time

I'm going to be taking a break from the blog.  Just wanted to let you know because I hate it when bloggers just disappear!  I hope to be back blogging soon.  Thank you all for your lovely words of support, it has meant so much to me.  x

what i'll be wearing this fall

With all this talk about fall and pumpkins swirling around the internet, I figured I'd join in and show you what I'll be wearing this fall, if and when it ever arrives.  Above is last year's cable knit sweater, skinny jeans, leopard loafers and an infinity scarf I crocheted myself.  I'm thinking this would be perfect on a cool fall day at a football game but in reality...a trip to Trader Joes.

The next outfit is a pair of skinny black trousers that I've had for about 7 years paired with a vintage sleeveless shell that I picked up at a thrift store for $3.  Larry gave me that leopard cardigan 2 years ago and those awesome Ralph Lauren flats came from the Pasadena City College Swap Meet, $10.
I'm thinking lunch with a girlfriend, yeah, that's doable.

I'm looking forward to wearing this outfit to the Redlands Symphony perhaps.  We joined this year and cannot wait.  Tickets are so reasonable, if you live in the area you may want to consider it. Same black trousers, black kitten heel pumps and this Everlane Silk blouse from last year.  I still love this clutch made from old fabric that I got on Etsy for my trip to London last year.  Too bad she went out of business, she is so talented.

This will be a favorite everyday outfit.  These skinny jeans from American Apparel that I bought last year and my old penny loafers paired with a vintage cardigan from the swap meet, $5.

Yeah, so that's what I'll be wearing. :)

Thank you all so much for the kind comments and emails from my last post.  I was/am overwhelmed by your caring thoughts.  This walk I'm walking is not easy.  In fact some days it is torture but trying to keep the focus on me is important to my sanity.  So if laying out a few outfits and thinking of the upcoming fall season makes me happy then I'm in.  Lots of things in our daily lives can be considered trivial but at the same time they can be touchstones that we need during hard times.  I know I have come to rely on them.  So thank you for reading and bearing with me. :)


three links - compassion, enough and addiction

Continuing on with the subject of gratitude, here are 3 links from around the internet that I hope you enjoy.  They are all very different from each other but at the heart of each is gratitude.

This first link is a beautiful video from Thailand that speaks to giving and will capture your heart in a big way. Watch here and see if your heart is not softened in ways you never imagined.  Mine was.

The next piece is from  the Huffington Post.  It's an essay on having enough, keeping up and gratitude.  I know over the years you all have gotten to know me but I've gotten to know you too. She puts into perfect words what we have all been thinking.  Read the piece here and get some relief and inspiration.  All I can say is Bravo!

The third link is one very close to my heart.  It is the blog written by Charles Peabody.  He also wrote the book by the same name, The Privileged Addict, which you can buy here on Amazon.  As someone who has struggled greatly with being a parent of an addict.  I really cannot put into words the help and relief and education I've received from his writings.  Charlie, if you ever read this then know that your tireless writing and dedication to the subject of addiction has helped me immensely. This post in particular is a lifesaver.  He is brutally honest and shines a bright beaming light of truth and knowledge on a very confusing subject. If you know anyone who struggles with addiction or is in any way affected by it, please click over and or buy his book, his story is incredible.  

Have a beautiful relaxing weekend my friends, we are all in this together. x

on gratitude

They say that the quickest way out of any problem is through gratitude.  I am a big believer in this.  But lately the theory has failed me and so I began to take a deeper look at my problem and this is what I've come up with.

Normally before my feet hit the ground each morning I say a prayer of gratitude.  I go through the list of things I am so grateful for and then go about my day.  But like I said, lately I've been plagued with a general feeling of uneasiness and sadness.  I realize that I need to dig deeper into my gratitude list and see what's up with it.

At the top of every gratitude list I make is my faith.  I know I take it for granted because I don't rely on it as much as I need to.  I often skip it and go directly to worry, anger, stress.  If I were truly grateful for my Higher Power I would make contact with it throughout each day.  When I do it, it works beautifully.  So why don't I?  Well I get lazy and think I have all the answers, which I don't.  Which is why life isn't making sense at the moment.

I say I'm grateful for my home, for having a roof over my head.  But am I?  I really need to go further. My home is comfy and solid.  It's small and manageable.  It's affordable.  It has pretty gardens.  Yes I am grateful to live here.

I am grateful for my health.  Am I or do I take it for granted?  I try and take good care of myself with lots of yoga and fresh air and exercise.  I spoil myself with fresh and healthy foods each day.  But mental health-wise or emotionally I beat myself up and so my words don't align with my actions.

I say I am grateful for my family but am I?  This is much trickier because my actions do not always align with my words.  I tie a lot of my personal happiness and contentment upon others.  So if others are not acting as I think they should then I get resentful.  How can I be grateful and resentful at the same time?  I can't.  I am slowly, very slowly learning the art of acceptance.  Learning to accept the unacceptable is hard but absolutely necessary if I am to be truly grateful for my family.  There are no short cuts here, trust me I've tried. :)

Always on my gratitude list is my friends.  But am I a good friend?  If I'm being completely honest then the answer would be no.  Lately I have been taking them for granted and I am ashamed of that.  I have been very self-centered and immersed in my own problems when it comes to them.  I want to fix this pronto.

My hope is that by writing this out and being able to go back and read it I will be reminded of what I want to change. I truly do not want to take anything in my life for granted any longer.  I want to be a better person and accept everyone that I love just as they are.  I want to be a better friend, spouse, mother and sister.  I want to be happier and lead a more joyous life.  I really do believe the answer is through gratitude but for me talking about being grateful isn't enough, I need to live it.  Thank you for listening. x


the state of the garden

Hey you.  How's it going?

I took these photos about 10 minutes ago.  What's pretty amazing is that here it is September 1st and the garden looks this good.  That's pretty unusual for this garden.  Normally, everything has pretty much peaked and would be looking really bad.  I give credit to my friend, Mr. El Casco Gardener for this. Terry has given me some ideas on tweaking what I do around here and it really has paid off.

He suggested that I use a weak application of food for the flowers every week instead of just monthly. It has kept the blooms coming and coming.

All my geraniums were looking really bad.  Everywhere I go around Southern California, geraniums grow prolifically, except mine.  Turns out they had some sort of worm eating the blooms.  I bought a spray for that at Home Depot and within a week the leaves are dark and green and the blooms are big and gorgeous.

Even the rose garden is still going.  Lots of blooms still to come.

Someone wanted a full picture of this 150 year old pepper tree.  Here it is. :)

My friend K of Faux Fuchsia fame wrote today about what gardening has taught her.  I think the greatest thing I get from gardening is that I can lose myself while out there working.  Everything that I'm worried about drifts away and I'm able to focus on exactly what is in front of me, there is a season for everything. Whether I'm pulling weeds or nourishing the soil, everything I do out there mimics life and things get worked out.  Before I know it life is manageable and good again.  I'm so grateful to be able to garden here.  What has your garden taught you?

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