good morning


Hello dear friends.  I was walking out to get my mail the other day and saw this darling little alyssum bud peeping out of a crack in the driveway.  I immediately identified with it.  Although to be honest, I have quite peeped out yet.  I haven't written much lately bc I've not been able to, I'm still in that crack.  I've tried many times but I come up empty.  A few days ago was my wedding anniversary and it threw me for a loop.  I knew it was coming and the anticipation is what did me in.  I began to believe all the thoughts my mind was telling me and well they took me down.  I'm still not sure what I will do with this blog.  As many of you noted the blog was hacked by someone and was asking for your password and again that threw me bc Larry always took care of things like that.  Rachel, a reader here and her sweet husband Carl reached out to me and offered to help me fix it.  It took about an hour but we did it.  That was a huge accomplishment.  So I ask for your patience and hopefully things will sort themselves out soon.

I overheard someone talking the other day and she said "I didn't get any of the big things in life I wanted but I got enough small things to sustain me."  I get that.

x



62 comments

  1. I am so sorry and yet so hopeful Janet. You are the alyssum, honeyed and persistent. <3 I hope a bright moment comes soon.

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  2. My heart goes out to you. I pray that the small moments will grow and grow and that hope will fill your heart and mind.

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  3. Thinking of you and sending a virtual hug, my patience, and best wishes

    Rebecca

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  4. I've read your blog for years and have never commented but I would be very sad if you stopped blogging. I love your simple home (it looks like an oasis of peace.) Please keep sharing - if only a photo and a sentence or two now and then. Wishing you peace!

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  5. Keep looking for those cheerful little surprises in your daily round...they will help you as you navigate through this journey of healing.
    I am sorry to hear that your blog got hacked Janet, so nice to see your post this morning...it is also great to hear that you got some help and support to get back online.
    XO

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  6. I'm so sorry, Janet. Sadly, healing happens at its own pace; such a difficult process. I think everyone in your audience hopes you will continue your blog whenever it suits you. Take your time, dear heart. In the meantime, I think of you, and hope for small bits of happiness to cross your path each day. xo

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  7. Good to hear from you. I've been concerned and thinking you're in a lot of pain. I know it's easy to say but harder to do but "one foot in front of the other". Try to remember, there are people you don't even know, who are pulling for you and wishing you best.

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  8. Sure hope you will continue the blog.....I really enjoy it. No matter how small the content is...just a picture of your cozy home, or your beautiful yard. Hugs....

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  9. Ugh....So sorry to hear what you've been going through and I was worried when you weren't blogging. Can't even imagine your grief and I don't have words....please know that you are cared about and have so many faithful readers who only wish you the best....please take care of yourself and worry about us later.....xo Janie

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  10. I understand about wanting to write and blog, but coming up empty. Grief is a lifelong journey and sometimes it's just incredibly hard. If all you can manage to do is to take care of yourself, then so be it. You have to do what's right for you. Sending you a BIG hug. xoxo

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  11. dear janet--
    am a long time reader of your blog, but don't think i've ever commented; was so happy to see your post! grief and loss are harsh. thanks for what you share, which is perhaps cathartic for you, and helps me/us. you are the "genuine article"--fresh, thoughtful, kind and caring. you have the bell'occhio--an eye for paring things down to their true beauty, which is a reflection of your inner beauty (as well as your outside beauty!). thank you for your posts! xxxx

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  12. Dearest Janet, I know you have gone through so many milestones this past year. My heart is breaking for you & all that you are enduring. I know so many times when I have gone through very difficult emotional challenges, I almost always found some solace in my garden or in nature. For you to look down & see the Sweet Allysum & find a connection with what you are going through is very powerful to me. I think it speaks of how strong our spirits are to survive even through the most difficult of times & challenges.
    As others have said, we love your blog: your sincerity, gentleness & kindness all shine through. I would so miss hearing from you if you decided to stop, but I cannot be selfish! You must do what is best for you. And isn't it wonderful that a reader & her husband helped you remove that stupid sign-in prompt!! Hooray for them & you. I am adding my love & hugs to those that have already been sent out to you, dear lady. Katie from Huntington Beach

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  13. I sensed that you were in one of those painful valleys that can be so hard to crawl out of. I understand the physical part of grief & wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Just try to take your time & do what feels right for you. Like others, I do hope that you will continue your blog, but really want what's the best fit for you. But I do believe you would miss it. Just a picture & a sentence can be enough...we love you!!

    ~ Anita

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  14. I'm so sad that you are sad. I, too, would miss you very much if you stop talking to us, but it's understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. Sending love to you.

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  15. I've missed your posts. I understand that you are processing so much since your Larry passed on, grief overwhelms on special days as you remember happier times. So glad to see this post pop up!

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  16. I noticed your absence and I missed you, I know you will be going through a lot of “first” this year. It will be hard and we understand. We are patient. Just remember the sunshine does shine down into the crack. Look to the light🌞

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  17. Dear Janet, I don't want to ask anything of you ... just that you take care of yourself. I would miss your blog terribly if you decided to end it, but I want you to be well even more. When you hadn't posted for a while I knew you were dealing with your pain. If you need a break in any form, take it. We'll be around and we'll find each other again.

    xo,
    D.

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  18. Grief is not something you complete, but rather you endure. Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself, an alteration of your being, a new way of seeing, a new definition of self. - Gwen Flowers

    Send you a hug and hope that you will post what you want, when you're able, even if infrequently.

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  19. While selfish of me, I do hope you continue the blog. Your manner of living got me started on the "simple" and I have found such satisfaction. Going through the valley of grief isn't "fun", "desired" and certainly not on the agenda; been there, done it ... keep moving forward, you are going "THROUGH" the valley, you are not destined to stay there. You aren't running through the valley, just doing it step by step. Your readers are cheering you on!

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  20. Please don't go. Sweet Allysum is one of my favorite flowers/plants. My mother always grew it from seed. A few years ago I moved from house with gardens to condo with small courtyard. Container gardening became my new thing. I have added Sweet Allysum to my shopping list. But, I will get plants, not seeds. Thanks for reminding me of this sweet plant and of my memories.

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  21. Janet-I have been thinking about you and so happy to see your post. I'm sad that you are sad. I too hope that you continue to post as your blog is the only one I follow and it has helped me tremendously over the years. Honestly, though, I care more about you and understand if you want to say goodbye and take care of yourself. I have lost a few I have loved and can certainly understand the depths of your grief. You are all here for you, I hope you can feel our kindness, strength, and love.

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  22. I've been checking in here every day and have been wondering how you're doing. I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I do know that that you had one big thing, and that is Larry. Some people go their whole life and never have what you shared with him. Try to hold on to that. We'll be here waiting when you're ready. Keeping you in my prayers.

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  23. I really like what that woman said. I often find the average person more inspiring than people that are considered significant. It is those small things that bring great joy and it’s small things like Larry not being there to sort a computer problem can cause great sorrow. Take your time. A year is nothing.
    Peace
    Kathy

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  24. I've read over what others have said - you have so many wonderful readers that can put thoughts into words better than I can. In my experience grief hits at the strangest of times...catches me off guard and literally overwhelms.
    Take care of you Janet - one day at a time- one moment at a time. We all will be right here lifting you up whatever you decide.

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  25. Sending you love and wishes for peace.

    Wendy

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  26. "I began to believe all my thoughts..."
    "I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment." Have you heard of Byron Katie? You might find her work helpful. I appreciate your courage in being vulnerable. Love and prayers sweet lady.


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  27. Dear Janet, look at that sweet little bud popping through the crack and think of its determination. In that is sheer beauty. That is how I think of you. If I lived nearby, I would invite you over for tea. But please know that I enjoy your posts just as much as if I were there. And I suspect that the rest of us do, as well. Most of us have been through grief, at least it looks that way from what I have read in the comments over the past year. I understand loss, Janet. If I can make it though to the other side, so can you. Do what you must, but please count on us; we are thinking of you during your struggle and cheering for you. I hope you will feel like writing more again sometime soon, because what you have to say is so beautiful, and we need to hear it. Take care and know that you have a fan club out here!

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  28. I am seeing the flower in the crack as a gift from Larry for your anniversary. I think it was to let you know he is there, and he knew you would notice and appreciate it. I often get signs from my Father, a whiff of a cigarette here at home and nobody smokes. I smell his aftershave, when I don't have any around. It comes when I am going through a rough spot and need him. We were close.
    Look for signs, you will see things that can't be explained any other way.
    Take care dear lady!

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  29. Dear Janet,

    There's a lot of love here for you. I've been thinking about you a lot too, knowing that you're going through anniversaries right now. They are so hard! They can be easier when you expect and anticipate them, but they can be worse too. You just never know.

    I want you to do whatever you need to do for yourself. I too would miss you and your blog very much, but you need to take care of you.

    Sending you hugs from the Midwest. <3

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  30. Grief takes control of us at will with a power that punches us down in a way that is terrifying. No time to be alone. Janet, we never will leave you. Please don't leave us. Leave the door ajar. We will sit with you.

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  31. I've loved reading these comments. You have such kind, thoughtful and interesting friends/readers.

    Be kind to yourself. Don't believe the horrid thoughts. Tell them to go away.really. tell them.

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  32. Being alone after many years as a couple is hard. It is the remembrances that take us by storm. The loss will always be there but the hardship of the loss over time is less harsh. I understand what you are feeling. Know you are not alone and tomorrow will be a better day. Susan

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  33. It's always a happy day when i get a post from you. I've followed you since the beginning, i love them all and hope you continue. I would miss you terribly!
    My son Michael's birthday is Thursday. He died 20 years ago and I will always miss him. This is my favorite saying.
    My mind misses you and I'll always love you but my heart knows you are at peace.
    I wish you peace, Janet ❤

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  34. Hello... I have followed you for years. I have never left a comment before, but the past several days you have been on my mind. I was going to check your acct.'s
    to see how you were or if I had missed a post. So glad to hear & see the flowers coming out of the crack. That is so positive; a sign from nature, meant for you when you required that. I sympathize with your loss & can only offer comfort to you with words along with everyone else who cares about you - to let you know we are thinking of you. Allow yourself time to feel all the feelings that come - you are going through your process. It is new. Some days you will blossom just as that flower showed you. You have so much to offer ... Thank you for sharing with us.
    Beverly

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  35. It was lovely to see your post, and I am so sorry you were hacked in this way. My heart goes out to you in your sadness and I wish you love and kindness. Your posts are always uplifting and any picture of your elegant house and garden make my day. Thank you for posting when you can and sending hugs from Australia. x

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  36. Dear Janet. I am so sorry your pain has been so sharp. I read one time that the depth our pain when we're grieving is equal to the love we have for our dear one who's gone. Sending you love, and I imagine all of your dear readers are surrounding you with love and light.

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  37. Hi Janet, I've been thinking of you a lot lately and have been checking here for updates. I didn't know your wedding anniversary was coming up to meet you, that must have been so difficult, and as you said the anticipation of it too. Sending you love and strength.

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  38. Janet, you do you. It's that simple. Your readers love you, and you've built a warm and caring community here. This little corner of the internet is one of the few truly safe spaces around. I have rarely seen even a snarky comment, and those are quickly rebuked by your loyal readers. The Gardeners Cottage is an Oasis of Love in a sea of nasty. Take your time, post as little or as much as YOU want, we're not going anywhere. Continued prayers for you during this challenging time, it does get easier. Love, Joy

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  39. Janet, I'm glad that you checked in...I had no idea your blog was hacked. So nice for someone to step in and fix the problem for you.
    I'm sorry that your pain is still so raw, I can imagine the "firsts" have all proved to be quite difficult. You have been so strong over these last couple years but I would expect for there to be setbacks. Like the other readers I would miss your blog terribly. It's always been one at the top of my list, the first blog I check every day.
    I have a sea of alyssum in my yard...it's a tough plant because even if I weed some out they come back with even more plants. I hope that is you...coming back stronger my friend.
    Linda
    xoxo

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  40. It's ok to feel deep sadness now and again. At other times, if it helps, try to remember what Larry would say to you now, if he were beside you, what he'd want you to do or how he'd hope you would continue to live. Hugs, Ann

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  41. I love this photo and the hope it offers you. And I love that you showed it to us because now it's for all of us. I too have been checking here daily just in case my "subscribe" button had let go. I also love the beautiful words that have been said by your readers. I cannot say anything more. "Gardener's Cottage is an Oasis of Love in a Sea of Nasty" is something I wish I would've said. You and your blog are so precious to me. xo karen

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  42. I’m so sorry Janet, praying for you❤️

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  43. Dear Janet, Looking for you and thinking of you...glad to see you. Bless you and be kind to yourself first and foremost. x

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  44. Dear Janet, Grief sucks. My usually high energy and cheerful sister-in-law fell completely to pieces when her husband died. Never one to join anything but a book group, she took the suggestion of her doctor and joined a grief group. It helped.

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  45. Dear Janet,
    You are such a joy to so many of us. You know we all are here for you if you need anything we will try and reach out to help, if we know what you need. As one of your loyal followers we appreciate and love your insight. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes the person who can help is the one needing the help also.
    Lisa in Fort Worth

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  46. Grief...gosh...my mom died from complications of MS when I was 19 and I am 62 now. I still have moments of deep missing and sadness but of course the deep stinging hurt of those early years has mellowed. I hope each day of your new "normal" becomes easier and that you continue to write your blog. I enjoy it and don't care what topics you choose...I'm glad you shared your grief. You may have helped somebody else who is dealing with a loss by sharing your journey.

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  47. I am always so happy to see your posts. I wish that in time the pain will lessen. yesterday while walking one of the sweet shelter dogs I saw Crocus blooming. this gave me hope as I was feeling in a dark place that morning. so often it is these small things that take me out of myself and if only for a moment bring joy. trying to be more prayerful this Lenten season and will remember you.
    Darby

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  48. Keep going, Janet. 💚 Spring is round the corner.

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  49. I think if we your readers use CHROME instead of SAFARI comments will go through!
    FINGERS CROSSED!
    BEAUTIFUL SPring FLOWERS BEAUTIFUL YOU!

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  50. Hey Janet,

    Happy to see you are back and glad you got that password thing fixed. I check to see if you have posted a few times a week and it kept coming up. I enjoy your inspiring blog so much. Hope you get to feeling better.

    Sincerely,
    Debra from SENC

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  51. Reading your blog makes my life better. - Queen Lucia

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  52. Dear Janet, We lost our son 2 years ago this month. He was 56 years old, had Downs Syndrome and had lived with us his entire life. He was my Sunshine. A part of my heart went with him. The grief was searing at first, but has become more bearable with time. There were moments when I was so sad and I would find something lovely on your blog that would lift my heart. Your kindness radiates from your words and your simply beautiful home. May you find the peace that you have brought to others. Anne

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  53. I have missed you so much and wondered if you were going through a difficult time. I am so sorry to learn that you have been struggling. I hope the Spring weather and the glories of the garden will lift your spirits. I so enjoy your posts, a leafy branch artfully displayed, a well placed vintage treasure, simple healthy meal idea and of course your classy clothing style...bring joy to me
    and many others. Feel better soon.

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  54. I've been watching for a post, hoping that you're doing okay.
    So many people whom you've never met are wishing you light as you walk the path of grief.
    Sincerely,
    Suzanne

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  55. Hello Dear Janet,
    So sorry you are struggling. The grief process is unrelenting as I well know.
    I hope you can find some relief outdoors as Spring approaches.
    Big hugs, Robin

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  56. Cheer up, Janet!! You heard it right, It is essential to be happy at small moments in your life, and the big one will follow you soon. It was terrible that your blog got hacked and thanks to the big-hearted people who helped you. Keep in mind that you are just like the cute Alyssum that has peeped out of the crack. Keep on writing, dear!!!

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  57. Take all the time you need. There is no time limit to grief and there should be none to healing. Take care.

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  58. Hi Janet

    Keep blogging we all enjoy your posts so much. It will be a sense of support that you will not want to lose. Time heals all wounds although I am sure that sounds impossible right now. We are all thinking of you...

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  59. good morning, janet . . . may this be a gentle day for you
    with love
    Linda

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  60. This photo says it all quite well. You and the little flower will see Spring. xx

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kindness is never out of style.

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