last week i went to my dermatologist to have my eyelid looked at.
i go once a year to have it checked. i had squamous cell carcinoma in the same spot twice so i have to be careful. while i was in the room waiting for the doc i couldn't help but notice all the new literature on the counter.
it was kind of overwhelming.
latisse for long, fuller lashes (may cause irreversible dark brown specs on your iris though)
latisse for long, fuller lashes (may cause irreversible dark brown specs on your iris though)
a plethora of fillers, botox and laser services.
he checked my eyelid and everything was fine and i went home.
but i couldn't help but wonder about all those products that are definitely aimed at my age group.
i'm 55 now and i know i am a candidate for every single thing being offered out there today.
is this how we are supposed to age gracefully?
is this how we are supposed to age gracefully?
i think it's cool if that's the course you want to take
but the thought that keeps popping in my head is who would notice or care?
and the big one...i don't think we are fooling anyone.
i tell you i see lots of faces that have been altered and enhanced and it never looks natural.
and the big one...i don't think we are fooling anyone.
i tell you i see lots of faces that have been altered and enhanced and it never looks natural.
if you do your eyes then your cheeks and mouth look bad and vice versa,
if you do the whole face then you have that stretched too tight shiny look.
or now all of a sudden compared to the smooth skin on your face, your neck looks older.
and then the decollete and arms and hands.
and it goes on and on.
i'd have to have my whole body dipped or lasered in order for nothing to stand out.
i get stressed just thinking about it all.
i get stressed just thinking about it all.
so i've decided that i'm going peacefully and wrinkly into my future.
and if you plan to *fight it* all the way, i say kudos to you.
to each their own in this lovely world.
so what's it gonna be for you?
fight or surrender?
thoughts?
xo
so what's it gonna be for you?
fight or surrender?
thoughts?
xo
Wonderful! THANK YOU for this post... I am 6 months away from 40, so these things are definitely on my mind. I like to think of myself more as someone who will age gracefully with yoga, sunshine, whole foods & lots of self-love, but I know that I'm only at the beginning of this journey & only time will tell. Never say never! :O)
ReplyDeleteI think you look great, laugh lines are the best. I have no interest in botox but I may try the lash extenders. I have always had little lashes and it drives me crazy.
ReplyDeleteCorinne
ReplyDeleteLooking at that close-up picture of you, I think you look great. Your skin is pretty and you have a peaceful, happy countenance. You inspire me to take good care of myself so that I look better, naturally.
I think you look great and graceful is certainly a word I think of to describe you. I am turning 48 this year and have my fair share of wrinkles, gray hair, and other age related marks. I figure I am the age I am and am OK with it for the most part. The two exceptions? I still try to keep my hair blonde - not ready to give into the 50%+ gray I have. I have noticed in the past several months the discoloration on my upper lip and admit that it is freaking me out!! I think about getting something over-the-counter to see if it will help, but haven't actually bought anything yet.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Janet! I'm with you on this. I think our society has gone overboard with treatments, though I have seen "before and after" shots of women who have had facelifts and they look amazingly younger and prettier (and happier). So I think it depends on the person. As women (and these treatments are all aimed at women, right? Not men! How do men get away with it?), we pick apart our features and flaws. We're so hard on ourselves. I have a niece who is 29 and she actually looks forward to the day when she has wrinkles (because they represent wisdom) and grey hair! I tell her that's easy for her to say because she's so young! LOL.
ReplyDeleteClaudia
In May I will be 57. I agree with the quote notion that one should be grateful for growing older, because it is a privilege denied to many.
ReplyDeleteThat said...I am not above having a tune up here and there. I get my eyebrows dyed because they are so light they are hard to see, but I am looking into permanent makeup-it would be nice to have it done ONCE and not worry about it for five years or so :)
I think I would do the laser before the injectibles. Maybe when I am 60. Maybe never.
I'm totally into the fitness/meditating/yoga thing, but sometimes when I look in the mirror and see my dad looking back it kind of freaks me out :O
Oh, and I forgot the most important thing! I'm glad your check up went well. Being healthy is the most crucial thing, not whether we have long lashes, wrinkles or age spots!
ReplyDeleteClaudia
Janet I'm a few years younger than you but my jawline has gone to the dogs!
ReplyDeleteFunnily enough it was sunny here today, freezing but sunny, boy does the sun show up a lot of flaws, I kept looking down at my hands in shock, they have gotten so old and wrinkly looking and eventually I thought, well yes I am old now, this is what will happen but it will hit me hard when my face looks as bad as my hands, I'm not going to pretend otherwise.
Going to go as peacefully into age as I can manage, and am turning 58 this summer. Haven't dyed my hair in years, and it's now the color of a cottontail rabbit, all tweedy looking in a mix of mousy brown, near-white, and gray. I exfoliate with baking soda and a scrubbing mitt every week or so, lightly moisturize every night, extra during the day if needed. Tweeze more than I'd like. Wear hats in the sun. The best "face lift" is meditation and shaking off gloomy thoughts, along with eating lots of vegetables and drinking lots of water, and taking lots and lots of walks :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a year behind you. At this point, I'm not liking the changes that I see, but, I'm choosing to stay the way God has made me.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear all went well at your doctor appt.
I believe the best beauty treatment as you age is to get a good nights' sleep. I try my best to keep my weight down, keep my hair in good shape, walk 2x daily, eat well and accept the fact that I am now 60. I don't like it but I do feel blessed to have reached 60 without any health issues. We age, that's life. I don't think you can really fool anyone with plastic surgery. Deb
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post. I could not agree more. I'm greying and wrinkling up and yes, because I laugh way too much I have facial evidence of that too. But I look at my mother who is 80, has snow white hair, never has or will wear makeup or fuss with any of that, but walks 4 miles a day at a solid clip, is totally engaged in life and has more energy than I do and I think I would much rather age into that than any pretty laserized porcelain doll who spends time thinking about herself rather than others. Beauty and happiness and zest shine through.
ReplyDeleteAnd frankly in this society middle aged women (however well preserved or enhanced) are pretty much invisible. Not saying it is good but we might as well be liberated by that fact!
ps--you look wonderful and younger than I do and you have 6 years on me
Oh Janet...I'm a few years behind but over the last six months or so, I have noticed a drastic change in my appearance. I feel like I look totally different, like I remember my grandmother. It's not necessarily bad but I am surprised these changes happened so quickly. I'm not going to fight it but there are a few changes I've started to make...more water, more sleep, more exercise. good things. You look beautiful and I'm so happy you got good news at the drs. xo
ReplyDeleteHi Janet,
ReplyDeleteI don't think of it as surrendering. For me it is more about acceptance. I've always admired older women who take care of themselves and aren't afraid of the aging process. I also say kudos to those who will fight it every step of the way. Regardless, women need to embrace their choice and the rest of us need to cheer one another on. I don't know if you've seen this video but I love it: http://vimeo.com/31733784 - I hope you will too.
Rosanne
yes i have seen it rosanne. i posted it here a few months ago. she's my idol!
Deleteso glad you've seen it. i must have missed that post. such great inspiration for us all...something like yourself.
DeleteJanet, you look fabulous! It has been about 1 year now since giving up foundation, thanks to you. I also gave up coloring my hair and it is so much healthier now. It was the most liberating decisions I have made. I feel more accepting of me :) Before, I felt like I was hiding myself and not really being who I am. Our focus should really be on others and helping others, that's when I feel the best about myself. Most importantly, being who God made me.
ReplyDeleteJanet you look fantastic! I remember thinking the mother of my older sister's best friend was soooo beautiful because she had the most prominent crows feet. Even at that young age I saw a happy woman who laughed a lot and thought it was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteNow, I guess I'm more of a frowner because I have the most ridiculous wrinkles between my brows and on my forehead that I think about "doing something about" all the time. I'm sure, I'll never do anything, but I do think about it.
I think you've made the right choice and I'm happy your eyelid checked out.
Janet,
ReplyDeleteYou look lovely - your skin is so pretty and clear. I'm glad your checkup went well.
I'm turning 54 in a couple of weeks and sure, I see all my wrinkles and freckles, but I'm OK with it all. They just show a life well lived.
Since you're an esthetician, could you comment on the ingredeints in these products - I'm thinking of purchasing the BOOM silk but want to make sure it will be OK for my sensitive skin. Here's the link:
www.boombycindyjoseph.com/ingredients_boomsilk
Thanks so much for your thoughtful posts - I love your blog!
Caroline
the ingredients look fine to me. b/c i am vegan i wouldn't use it b/c of the beeswax and honey. i've been using extra virgin olive oil on my body and face now too. and i Love it.
DeleteI read somewhere once that Jackie Kennedy Onassis was a big fan of almond oil for the skin.
DeleteThanks so much for checking this product out for me Janet!
DeleteCaroline
Janet you look great. Do you take any hormone replacement therapy?
ReplyDeleteI am considering natural progesterone.
I know I am too afraid of a poor job, to do any surgical procedure.
I am too sensitive to do any injections. So it is all a no for me.
I have trouble with inflammation around my eyes. They swell terribly when
I sleep. It takes hours for the swelling to go down. Years of this daily
trauma to my eyes have aged them beyond my years. :( This time of year is
awful too, as they burn along with the inflammation.
i do not take any hormone replacement therapy. i don't seem to need it.
Deletemy good friend has the same sort of trouble with her eyes. i feel for you and wish i could recommend something but i can't. sorry.
I am going to age like a great European apartment- gracefully with patina and good bones. : ) I have had multiple surgeries for non cosmetic reasons and I can't imagine going under the knife voluntarily. I think one can do a lot with eating well, stress reduction and living your life FULLY.
ReplyDeleteoh heather i love your description!
DeleteI'm 66 and have never Done anything except mere my face clean - no heavy use of even night/day cream or facials Nd prople think I'm much younger. I once became friends with a plastic surgeon who told me not to even consider going under the knife! I wouldn't ever anyway for so many reasons- toxic chemicals & pain meds, artificial appearance, cost etc etc etc. I plan on aging gracefully and applaud you for doing so as well. If someone does not like me because of my wrinkles - well there is a very high likelihood the feeling will be mutual LOL! Good for you, Janet!
ReplyDeleteI love that we have so many choices. But for me, I plan to age gracefully and naturally. Although not sure how 'natural' I can be when I color my hair regularly..and will NEVER give that up :) I'm 46 and work with a lot of 25-30 yr old ... which makes me feel about 100 on some days. Yet, I would not trade my crowes feet or my 11's between my eyes for anything they have. They are all still finding their way in life, learning the ropes and a tad insecure about it all. I am SO over all of that and love what age has done taught be about life and dealing with it all !!!
ReplyDeleteugh. I know proper grammar. Meant to say, I love hwat age has taught me about life and dealing with it all :)
DeleteWell said! I feel the same way, at 44.
DeleteYou look great for 55. I think it's about individual choice. I confess to having a little filler - I have a great doctor - and it helps me cope better with the inevitable ageing process.
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure I will fight it some of the way. I would love to have lasers remove my leg hair so I could quit shaving but it is too light and although there are claims there are no lasers that really remove blonde hair so I am stuck with a razor (I won't use chemicals, they make me ill). So already I see myself following the piper when it comes to beauty treatments. I'm sure botox cannot be far behind.
ReplyDeleteI'm 43, and you're an inspiration. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteI think you look lovely, and I am not going to say for 55! Just lovely all by itself. To me, the best looking, older women I know are healthy, happy, interested in others, moderately active and, most of all, giving. Their attractiveness and vitality just shine through because of WHO they are. They take care of themselves but they also look Father Time straight in the face. I am very philosophical and accepting of aging. We all have a time to be young, and if we are fortunate, we have a time to be old too.
ReplyDeleteJanet - love the picture! I think you are beautiful and I am in the "aging au natural" category. I spend the afternoon today with a friend of mine who is 63 - she looks beautiful. I like to see all the lines. I had this moment today about looks when I was talking to her. My aunt betty got better looking the older she got, in my eyes. SHe was never beautiful when young, just cute, but she just kept getting lovelier and lovelier. I think you are going that way! I think I look better at 50 than 40! I am pretty sure by 90 I will be some sort of pin-up in firehalls. I have just decided that whatever i lack in typical depictions of beauty I will make up for in vitality and enthusiasm and grace! So you go girl!
ReplyDeleteI am 52 tomorrow and still keep my hair blonde and have really no wrinkles. What I got instead was smokers lips.....you know those deep crevices in the upper lip. My lipstick would bleed into them. My upper lip has always been very thin and this aged me a great deal. I chose to get fillers in those lip cracks and I get my lips filled twice a year. More on the top and a bit in the bottom. I never get more than one syringe total. I how have a top lip that is still on the small side but much better in proportion to my bottom. I only told a couple of people and most people never noticed exactly what i did but many commented that I looked good. The trick if you are going to do this is to have a good dermatologist. I told her I wanted to look like I did NOT have lip fillers and wanted a very natural look, which can be achieved very easily without getting those chicken lips that many women get. It's all about restraint.....and it costs very little and I feel way better. I have never smoked at those lips before may be feel very old.
ReplyDeletehappy bday chaina. i too have the smokers lines even though i've never smoked. the only way they don't show is if i smile. :)
Deletei so understand you getting them filled. i'd love to see a before and after photo!
I have them too and haven't smoked either.:(
DeleteLinda
You look beautiful....and I'm with you...let's just go gracefully....
ReplyDeleteMaureen
I wish everyone would go natural. You look wonderful. I will turn 52 in July and just the last year have wrinkles appeared under my eyes. Drat! I have a love hate relationship with them. I hate them because my skin is not smooth like it used to be and I love them because they show I've laughed and cried and lived. I have earned everyone of those wrinkles.
ReplyDeleteI work in a store near a very affluent part of town and I see lots of face lifts every day. Which makes me think....am I foolish for thinking I can go without? For me it's a matter of finances. I doubt I'll ever be able to afford one...so that keeps me honest.
My Mom had a friend who gets touch ups every other year and I have to say....she does not look better for it. I liked her face before all the work was done. To be honest she was not a pretty woman to begin with but the work has not made her prettier at all...it just shows off the ugly. Oh...that was a mean thing to say.....oh...well....
As usual, a timely post.
ReplyDeleteIm just 48 now and gravity is starting to take hold. I look at my eyelids and dislike the hooded look, the wrinkles on the neck annoy me and I hate that little pudgy thing under my chin. But I really hear you Janet - who are we fooling? There is no way I would subject myself to the endless procedures required to regain my youth, nor could I justify the expense (travels to Europe rating much higher on my pleasure-o-meter than vanity). For me, its going to be a more natural approach to aging (a little makeup and some hair colouring), but mostly its going to be about getting lots of exercise in order to maintain a healthy weight and eating foods that promote health.
That said, I would never criticize someone who chooses to fight it with everything available to them - to each their own.
By the way Janet - I finally uploaded some photos of our renovation which I wanted to share with you since your blog provided me with so much inspiration.
ReplyDeletehttp://pinkrosecottageknits.blogspot.ca/2013/04/after-shots-of-renovations.html
will go take a look now!
DeleteThis photo of yours is nice, you look soooo confident with the close-up.
ReplyDeleteDon't you have the best products at your hands thanks to your job? I would assume they did something good to your skin over the past years?
Even your "aging spots" are cute, they actually do look like freckles.
The snow in Europe is making me insane. Can you imagine 6 months in a country with snow, over and over again ... boohooo.
No chance to look good without a tintes moisturizer over here.
hi paula i have used aveda for many years but i've recently switched to pure extra virgin olive oil for my body and face. i'm loving it.
DeleteDefinitely surrender and age disgracefully.
ReplyDeleteLove!
DeleteI'm 58 and other than a make over at The Bobbi Brown counter I am all natural wrinkles grey hair and a slack jaw...
ReplyDeleteone thing I do is tweeze a few thick hairs on my upper lip...the facial hair thing does creep me out!
Yeah, that's something that has definitely been disturbing with the journey to menopause and when I've wondered if laser hair removal is a way to go. I'd love to hear some comments on laser hair removal. I think it's expensive, but is it safe?
DeleteTotal surrender...you are so right about, who are we trying to kid...it is so obvious when someone goes through the pain of trying to change what God made so beautifully...I don't mean not to take care of oneself...I will always exercise and eat as healthfully as possible, but that is the extent of my, so called,bodily beauty enhancers. Beauty comes from the peace and happiness within!
ReplyDeleteMy idol is Helen Mirren. I have seen her in films fearlessly appearing without whatever is applied in the makeup room to erase the years. That's a class act.
ReplyDeleteI will definitely surrender, if I could look like you that is. You look beautiful. I am not interested in altering my face. Although, I could use a little teeth whitening (my dentist told me at my last appointment) as if I didn't already know. I think it's too easy to get carried away once one starts with the whole thing. take the real housewives cast(s) they all look tweaked and frankly, the same as each other. It's one step away from robots. Thanks Janet for this important post. Now I can't wait to read all the comments.
ReplyDeleteyou are simply BEAUTIFUL, janet ~ aging gracefully, indeed.
ReplyDeleteat 42, i'm doing my best to tend to things holistically: green drinks, lots of water, walking, wearing a hat & healthy sunscreen, treating my skin to nutritious oils, a bath with candles every night, and getting lots of sleep.
other than that, i intend to leave well enough alone : )
here's the sunscreen i use on my face:
http://www.devitaskincare.com/store/solar-protective-moisturizer-spf-30-25-oz-75ml-p-17534.html
I think it's time to consider the next stage and changes we might make... hair up in a messy French twist? Black turtlenecks (or is black aging?). Here's a blog about sartorial bravery among women of a certain age! http://advancedstyle.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI'm going peacefully and wrinkly, so much less stressful (and cheaper) :)
ReplyDeleteThe bits that matter are what I have been doing for years, anyway - limited sun exposure, fresh organic food, clean tank water (no chemicals), green cosmetics and creams, minimal chemicals and trying to get in regular exercise and meditation.
Love my greying hair, love the history on my body. However I do pluck the bristles....
You're gorgeous Janet! I'm going with aging gracefully....the side effects scare the hell out of me. Although I just had Mad take a photo of me for my About page and all I could think of was Meryl Streep looking in the mirror in the movie "It's Complicated" saying..."Is that what I look like?"
ReplyDeleteAmen Janet! I'm goin naturally wherever that may be. I even stopped coloring my hair and I actually like it better. And it's not nearly as much gray as I thought. All those years wasting money and being exposed to toxic chemicals...boo.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and I love your style!!
xo
Karen
I'm all for aging gracefully, but there is nothing wrong with taking good care of ourselves (skin care, sleep, food, stress, etc.). If you would like some inspiration, check out this pinterest board called Silver Haired Beauties! http://pinterest.com/trueme/silver-haired-beauties/
ReplyDelete{{{Hugs}}}
Joy, 45 on Monday, with long white and dark brown hair
So pleased I found your great blog!! It's just what I was looking for and needed. I'm trying to go natural but when I see my beautiful daughters, I feel the pinch of what I have lost. I also just found dry brushing and I think that is helping my skin and health. And challenging myself to LIVE!! Breaking up with my wallflower self and committing to all the adventure that is with in me!!
ReplyDeleteYou look great.
ReplyDeleteHere's my philosophy. I will take layers OFF, i.e. dermabrasion, and may try lasers. I will not cut myself open or use fillers, because, UCK.
And there you go.
I have loved reading all these comments. I think that some women have a kind of peace that makes them seem ageless. I hope I am that kind! I know that I am just a sojourner on this earth, waiting to go to my true heavenly home. We never can know how much time we have. It is important be happy in the moment and time in which we live now. It is very sad, I think, for people (women especially!) to pine for the days when they were younger and better looking. It is wasted energy that only adds worry lines! You look pretty and happy, Janet.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is not our looks that make us beautiful to others. Maybe it is the way we do interesting things, the way we explore the world and the kindness we show others that make us most pleasant to look upon.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. Its difficult sometimes to embrace changes in our faces as we age...especially int his culture that reverse youth so fervently. You made the best decision to accept yourself as you are and to age naturally. Celebs who poke and pull and add botox and do this and that DO NOT LOOK good. You look beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh I want to thank you for this post. And I love your picture, you look beautiful. I'm 71 years old and I only use some make up, a good color lipstick, and some blush and mascara. I think that the best facelift is a smile on your face. I do yoga, do not sleep enough, have good friends. I started coloring my hair 30 years ago and if I knew how to get out of that practice gracefully I would quit. Maybe I just need to get a very short haircut and go from there. I love your blog.
ReplyDeleteNamaste.
Hi Janet,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, you look great for 55!
I agree with everything you posted here. I don't see anything wrong with some peels or that kind of thing, but once you start lifting and tucking then it starts to become pretty obvious. Too much Botox is bad too.
I do plan to *fight it* all the way but I will do it naturally through a good diet, exercise and avoiding the sun as much as possible. And being happy helps too. :)
Linda
xo
You look gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI'll be fighting my aging like No One's business, having said that I have seem some revolting plastic surgery that really puts me off it.
I subscribe to the if you look good you feel better school so I think I'll think about doing a few things. I've never had botox or anything but I am not ruling it out.
No one ever asks men about this stuff. WHY????? xxxxx
Faux, it's because men don't get their self esteem from their looks-they get it from their careers. Or so it has been for many years-you'd think that by 2013, this kind of stuff wouldn't be an issue, but sadly, it still is.
DeleteOh, and I am in the fighting back camp, too :)
You're gorgeous! In addition to that, peacefulness and contentment are your aura. Maybe vanity can get others to go vegan and less stuff-oriented, because it's serving you well!
ReplyDeleteAlso, your eye color is amazing.
If I look like you at 55, I'll be more grateful than I can say.
Also, 3 cheers for aging naturally and with pride and gratitude. "Fighting aging" is such sad way to live, because who wants to "fight" a natural, inevitable process?! How exhausting! I also don't get when people are hung up about their ages or don't share their ages. It's just a fact, just a number. I'm going to get a year older every year or I'm gonna die. I'd much rather get a year older.
It makes me sad that social pressures and socialization lead to women spending so much time, energy and money trying to look any way other than how they are --- the pale want to be tan, the dark-skinned want to be pale, those with straight hair wait curly, those with curly hair want straight, we are always learning of new places where we are supposed to remove body hair, fashion changes fast enough to ensure we are always spending, the natural, inevitable process of aging is fought with medical procedures that include death as a side effect, etc.
Trying to accept our physical bodies and being grateful for all they give us leaves so much more energy for the parts of life that matter most.
Well, first off, you look a lot younger than 55.
ReplyDeleteI don't have to think too much about this issue because I simply don't have the money to pay for all the helps and enhancements. I do know if my eyelids begin to sag to where it affects my vision, my health insurance might pay for it; my dad had to have that, and he got reimbursement.
What I really dislike right now is my hair. Since I finally reached menopause, and I could see this happening in the months right before, the entire texture and density of my hair changed with the color, and not for the better. I've been doing my own hair for years but I'm thinking I need to go for a good consultation with someone...what is the best style now, for the more flyaway, thinner hair; and I'm so afraid of coloring to where it will look unnatural. There's a 90-yr-old lady in my mom's neighborhood tract who always looks like a million bucks but her hair is too dark for her face as is her lipstick; she looks like a ghost for as carefully coiffed and dressed as she is. I've thought about doing one of those peels to my face because I have so much sun damage...California girl, liv'in at the beach all those years, ya know. I do wear less makeup right now than I ever have and if I do wear any kind of foundation, it only looks good if it's dewy, which is new to me, because I like a slight dusting (with a brush) of powder. Even if I had money, I think I would hesitate when it came to elective surgery because all surgery has risk. Someone who comes to mind is Priscilla Presley; she was such a pretty woman. Something terrible happened to her mouth/lips; I read something about it...some kind of botched surgery. Personally, the idea of injecting me with stuff creeps me out. I think it will be a quest for over-the-counter products...things done in small ways to comfort the skin, pamper the hair, being mindful of too much sun (i.e., using sunscreen). Investing in Spanx(!). Some women of a certain age can pull off not-so-age-appropriate but I can't, so will modify with a sigh and a grin. A woman close to 60 can't compete with one in her 20s...we're organic, our bodies change. The most important thing of all is to be good to your body and mind; feed them with the right things and maintain well with good sleep, lots of drinks of water, cope well with stress (and learn what works to de-stress), no smoking, move the body, learn new things, keep your doctor appointments and routine screenings for disease to catch things before they advance, etc. I think we all know the drill by now. I love to watch athletic and/or active "Seniors." They still move with lithe and strength. Gal across the street from me does Pilates; my "foot doctor" is an avid bicyclist. They absolutely look 10-to-20 years younger than their ages. I do think it's not great to go outside of your home dressing like a slob either. I live in SoCal and it's very, very casual bordering on sloppy. I just think you have to reach a level of acceptance about age in general. Do your best but don't necessarily mess much with Mother Nature. She can be a sleeping bear you don't want to disturb.
Vicki,
DeleteYou are the first person I have heard say that they are having "hair issues" in menopause. Almost 5 years ago when I hit menopause my hair completely changed. I always had thick, normal hair with no frizz. Suddenly it became very frizzy, flyaway and I lost a lot of hair. Most of the hair grew back but it's definitely not as thick as it used to be. Funny thing is no one seems to notice but me. Anyway, it's never gone back to normal but I have periods where it gets better and starts to look healthy again. Currently it's been in the yucky stage again for the last few weeks and I keep wondering if it's going to stick around for good this time. Damn hormones! Some days I want to shave my head. :(
Well, that's a bit encouraging, though. Maybe my hair will improve. I do miss the gloss and the weight of it. Conditioner leaves it awfully limp; just no "body" to the hair anymore. The hair is weirdly dry but oily (eeww, sorry for the description). I read once where the food goddess, Nigella Lawson (British), only washes her lustrous hair every few days, so I tried that but, yuck, too matted down for me. The only way I can look half-way decent right now is to wash my hair and blow-dry it upon waking (and using more non-aerosol spray than I like)...or else it's horrors in the mirror for me and also my husband at breakfast.
DeleteJust wanted to add that I think we really need to focus on keeping weight/BMI at the right numbers. You can't keep putting off the losing of weight as you age. Health problems can catch up with you; we're not as bullet-proof as we were even at 40. I have found, unfortunately through my own health problems, how damaging/risky it is to carry too much weight. It's not just cholesterol and the heart/diabetes, but the gyno cancers, too.
ReplyDeleteSomething easy I try to remember is Michael Pollan's mantra: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.
Lose your health...and what you look like becomes of lesser importance. Don't be a statistic. Good health is everything.
Very well said, Vicki.
DeleteI recognised this as a risk factor some time ago too. But my excuse has always been "too busy because of work". So I'm making a huge lifestyle change - I've quit my job to focus on my health (that is my new "job"). I'm very fortunate to have the resources to do this.
I'm 48 years old and would be happy to make it to old age. I do care what I look like but will not fight the ageing process. So I just do whatever makes me feel good. This means: living a simple life, eating organic food (vegetarian, prepared at home); wearing a little makeup when I go out (vegan, organic); and wearing nice clothes (mostly home made). I don't dye my hair or use "products" other than sunscreen (and then only when I need it). I shave my legs and underarms and spend way too much time plucking my chin :)
I don't agree about BMI, it is unrealistic and not healthy for everyone to struggle to stay below 25. Why would a rule be for everyone?! Nature isn't like that. It will suit some people to be slimmer and others to fill out more. Health is not a number.
DeleteSo I'm 48 and carry considerably more weight than the tables say I should but I have no health problems whatsoever and I am fit and able to do any sport I want to (I horseride, ski, walk...) and am often estimated to be a younger - people are amazed that I'm a grandmother. And this is despite letting my grey hair grow out for the last 9 mths - it'll be all grown out by the summer and is not as grey as I had thought (a little more than yours, Janet, especially at the temples!). My skin is smoothed out by the fat, I guess - I have few wrinkles and my hands show hardly sign of ageing, though I don't use many sun products. I need more moisturiser than I used to but that's about it. But then I have my mother and grandmother as great examples - they both look younger and more beautiful than you would think a 72 and a 97 year old could be... :)
And I'm in Europe where it's not quite so bad as the US with the anti-age craze. I do still see a lot of very skinny women over 50 and they do NOT look better for it!!
You are lucky. I have just been diagnosed with endometrial cancer and a major factor is obesity. Radical hysterectomy is scheduled in two weeks, with possibly radiation to follow as they think my cancer is advanced. This is why I forewarned.
DeleteVicki, Good luck with your surgery!
Deletevicki please keep us posted ok?
DeleteYou are both so kind; I didn't mean to inject any negativity into Janet's thought-provoking post (as evidenced by some 100 comments in response!). We hear so much about ovarian cancer and breast cancer that endometrial cancer (uterine cancer) can get overlooked. I've been researching risk factors and symptoms, along with all the rest about treatment/recovery of course. In the sometimes-long journey heading into "the change," you just have to be very aware and listen to your body. If it seems weird to be bleeding/spotting or pelvic pain/cramps don't seem right, don't let your doctor just attribute it to 'getting to menopause.' I'd thought I was safe; I was still in perimenopause and we'd done recent blood draws to check hormones. But I was woefully ignorant; I didn't know I was so high risk. I'm not a doctor and I'm still learning about all of this...in a hurry...there's a lot of legitimate info on the web and I don't want to write down anything inaccurate here...but I've read that women who are 50 pounds overweight have ten times the risk of endometrial cancer. Apparently the association between certain cancers and obesity is that fat tissue produces excess amounts of estrogen, high levels of which have been linked to endometrial cancer. U.S. NEWS had an article stating that "although the majority of endometrial cancers occur in postmenopausal women, up to 25 percent may occur before menopause."
DeleteI will say, as an obese woman (trying, trying to lose the pounds!)...it's actually hard to say "obese" on a blog like this devoted to good health...that there is nothing good about being overweight. It sets you up for so many potential problems and diseases. Don't court a problem. Why not instead move the body, respect it, feed it properly, keep it well rested and feel better, so you can breathe, have vitality and not so much stress on your bones and joints...and, of course, prevent risk to your precious heart. And develop a relationship with a good gynecologist; keep your appointments, and see him or her on a regular basis. Know your risk factors and symptoms; bring it up, and make them pay attention and answer questions.
I can't quote where I got this from as I've lost track from doing so much reading and printing as I become a student of this, but I liked this bit: "Energy balance refers to the integrated effects of diet, physical activity, and genetics on growth and body weight over an individual's lifetime. Scientists are increasingly aware of the importance of understanding the effects of energy balance on the development and progression of cancer and on cancer patients' quality of life after treatment. Weight, body composition, physical activity and diet affect many physiologic systems and can alter the cancer process at many points."
We women need to not settle for weight gain, especially as we age. Fight it! Fight to keep a healthy weight. It's not about looks and whether or not you can pull off a certain outfit with your figure; it's so much deeper than that...I mean, it's about cholesterol and blood fats...stroke, heart attack, diabetes and all of that bad stuff...but don't forget it's also about avoiding cancer. Why let life become even more complicated if you can run interference early in the game? Simplify! Care about yourself; it's not selfish. Don't care about everybody else around you and then forget to care about YOU.
I can't read here for awhile anymore...too much going on...and I feel I've really dominated with comments anyway! I'll come back again with better news somewhere down the road. In the meantime, I've made a lot of good notes from all of Janet's soulful posts which I'll be studying!
I am so with you on this....I am 57........also, I think you look beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteYou look and are beautiful, inside and out.
ReplyDeleteI could have had filler and botox for free from GG's job and I just couldn't do it.
I color my hair and work out, eat well and try to get lots of sleep.
The rest is up to genetics and prempro.
I'm on the back side of 50, whatever the hell that means and as my BFF and hair dresser says, I'm not a hag.
all righty then:-)
xo J.
Interesting comments.i agree with whoever said it doesn't make any difference as we women become invisible either way once hitting middle age. I am in my late 50's and trying to ernjoy my life. I do dye my hair, will let it go when I retire. Janet, you look stunning.
ReplyDeleteJaney
I don't think of it as "surrendering" - but if my two choices are limited to those two, I'll take "surrendering". I think surrendering is sweet when one's personal reality is embraced & celebrated...when we finally realize that beauty really IS only skin deep and start ACTING like it!
ReplyDeleteI am going to gracefully surrender.
ReplyDeleteI am trying to take good care of my skin.
I do the occasional microderm, exfoliating masks, etc.
Eating a good diet helps too!
I am so disappointed in stars like Courtney Cox.
She has clearly had some work done, and her beauty as been diminished.
I'm so glad I don't have the pressure to look great!
55! Wow, you are old. Oh wait, I forgot. I turn 56 in July. Jeez. I just had lunch with a good friend and we were recalling a funny incident and suddenly realized it happened 25 years ago! It only seems like maybe 5. We laughed about it and when we look at each other we see the young girls we were. Then we almost cried when we realized in another 25 years we will be...80!? OMG! Life is too short. Maybe that's the secret. Not to think about the age number and hang out with good friends who love you and don't see or care about the wrinkles. That being said. I have let my hair go grey but still make sure to have it cut trendy. I have to wear a little eye make-up or my eyes disappear but I've stopped trying to cover the freckles and I find that red lipstick helps. I will never be 30 again and oh well! I just want to make Art and be Happy. My role model is Beatrice Wood. Now THAT woman was beautiful, even past the 100 yr mark.
ReplyDeleteYou are so so pretty, Janet! And I am with you...to age naturally.
ReplyDeleteSince the fire, however, I've had to have corrective surgery on my face. Hypertrophic scars were causing contractures--pulling and pain on my face. He cut the scars using z-plasty and tried to flatten them using microdermabrasion. The pulling has lessened, but the scars are still there only flatter. My earlobes used to be tucked inside my jawline from the initial surgeries, but he now corrected that, and it lessens the pulling.
He said it's only been a month, so I still have healing time. I just finished my 8th surgery this past Monday.
In the end, my looks have changed. Maybe they changed through a fire rather than through aging, but nonetheless, they changed. As my husband says, however, "I still see you in your eyes. No matter the scars, you are beautiful to me."
-Suzanne in Illinois
I've already surrendered! My last hair dye job nearly killed me. It hurt so bad I had them rinse it out immediately. Laura was telling one of her customers about me and she said the same thing happened to her but she tried it again and went into anaphylactic shock! I quit. You still look gorgeous!
ReplyDeletexo
OMG!
DeleteI don't have a single smart-assed thing to say. You have a very youthful appearance despite your alleged "dings." You probably notice these 10x as much as anyone else. So much nicer to go natural. You're one hot grandmama.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful and definitely don't need to change a thing. I hate those Botoxed and filled faces, everyone always looks the same. xxxxx
ReplyDeleteYou look great! I have chosen to use herbs and essential oils to help my skin age gracefully!
ReplyDeleteHi Janet, I think about this subject a lot! I have the same coloring as you (brown hair, green eyes, fair skin) and the whole dynamic changed as I've let my hair go natural. I'm still in the process, having added blond highlights to minimize old haircolor. But with white, gray and blond hair I now look so pale and washed out. It's a struggle to find the colors that enliven me, and color is a big factor in my mood and how I feel. I have to really change my mental and physical picture of how I see myself and come up with something new and fresh. I love Helen Mirren too, but really--she has the world's best makeup artists and colorists to pull off that look. I'd love to see some posts on a variety of women who have dealt with looking great--and grey! xoxo, Allegra
ReplyDeleteI took Bobbi Brown's advice and had laser hair removal on my face.
ReplyDelete"Laser hair removal... It's amazing. I had it done on my upper lip and chin a couple of years ago. Forget waxing and plucking. And don't wait too long—once the hairs turn white, the laser can't zap them anymore."
Surrender? Hell, at 59 I'm charging full steam ahead! There's too much inspiration surrounding me not to. Eat healthy, exercise, embracing the beautiful gray that has been sparkling for my attention to let it free.
ReplyDeleteMadison Avenue is losing their grip as boomers with blogs and pinterest boards reaffirm positive real life images and stories.
Getting older is not about letting ourselves go. It's about the "get up and go"!
Janet,
ReplyDeleteYou are one stunning lady and I am with you on letting nature take it's course. I am always taken aback at the fake, shiny faces that just make people look surreal.
I don't know about you, but I find a good pair of crow's feet actually attractive. I mean, look at Hugh Grant: hookers aside, when he smiles that impish grin and those crow's feet show....I actually get a little weak in the knees.
Good topic! First I've always loved wrinkles since I've been a little kid. Which is good 'cause I've got plenty enough to share. I'm a natural girl myself. Sometimes when I see women with a lot of work done I cant't tell if they are a 50 y.o. or 60 y.o. but I never think they are in their 30's...
ReplyDeleteI absolutely applaud you for posting this. I'm a hairstylist and I hear women tear themselves apart all day. I also think you look great with your grey coming through. I love it when my clients embrace it rather than fight. Of course being a hairstylist I think there are ways to embrace grey and still color hair...haha sounds like a contradiction. I have a lot of clients that I do very fine foiling with just to warm up their hair a little bit or make it look sun kissed. A great tip I can share is if one is going totally grey but feels the tone is too yellow, or not that ideal platinum she can use violet shampoo to tone the grey more silver.
ReplyDeleteoh nice tip stephen!
DeleteWhat would you recommend for red hair. Red hair generally does not grey well, at least not mine.
DeleteDonna.
Yes I've also found that to be true. Seems natural redheads have the problem where their grey comes in too scraggly and ashy? If that is how you feel I would recommend shampooing your hair with warm water, and applying an oil-based deep conditioner, and putting a cap on. The warm water + the humidity generated by the cap will swell the hair cuticle open allowing it to absorb maximum moisture. That can significantly help the texture. Something to repeat every two weeks or month. For the color of the grey, to warm it up a little bit there is a product called ProColor Honey Blonde shampoo. It helps add warmth back to hair color just like violet shampoo helps keep blondes or greys more platinum. Let me know how it goes!
Deletestephen, how gracious of you to answer. thanks so much.
DeleteStephen,
DeleteI am a redhead/strawberry blonde so I might give that shampoo a try as the grey hairs are coming in faster lately. Thanks for putting that info out there!
Linda
Janet -YOU look great!
ReplyDeleteIt's an individual decision that can only be made by the woman herself.
I had facelift at age 53. WHY-??
I looked at it as necessary for my EMOTIONAL
well being. I had a lot of sun damage, a premature menopause at age 36 and a lot of stress. All this started showing up on my face when I turned 50. So, i paid an expert to 'tinker' with my appearance it did not mean
anything profound happened or that I transformed in any particular cosmic sort of way or
or even that my life changed drastically.
i got my confidence back and stopped looking older than i was--i looked
more rested, refreshed and less tired - that is is all.
I am not trying to convince you or anyone to do what i did.
everyone has to do what is best for them. i had a TOP plastic surgeon and only my close friends
knew that I'd had work done. i had it done during summer vacation and the teachers at school
said "oh you look so rested- you must have had a great summer" or "you changed your hair".
some people from my health and fitness center [ after i told them what i did] said to me "Oh you did this because you wanted to look YOUNGER!"
My response to that was "no i did it because I was tired of looking so much OLDER than I already am.
I looked 73 before my face work. i won't mind looking 73 when i AM 73 i just want to
look 53 now because that is the age i am. NOW " a face lift does not stop the clock from ticking it just
takes a few years off your face and allows you to feel good about yourself -IF the way your face looks
is bothering you. I would not have any more work done. i know women who get addicted to plastic surgery and end up looking like joan rivers and they can not stop. that to me seems pathetic but I'm totally pleased with my results and am happy i made the decision to have some face work done.
i think it's fantastic that it did so much for you shell!
DeleteI am now 74 and three years ago (5'4", 125#) I had a neck lift which involved liposuctioning out an enormous amount of fat from under my chin. My profile showed a 45 degree angle from the tip of my chin to my clavicle. I had no neck! It was a genetic thing that crept up gradually over the years. I had an excellent surgeon whom I trusted but it was still one of the scariest things I have ever done. It was also so worth it! No more plump wattle to pat and tug at - my little granddaughters loved playing with it as I read them stories. Needless to say, i look and feel a lot younger.
ReplyDeleteWe have a very average income but somehow we had enough to plan a simple kitchen up-date. I looked at the price of new kitchen countertops and said "Whoa! I need updating more than this kitchen! My husband encouraged me and appreciates my new look and the fact that I feel much happier about my appearance. I absolutely have no regrets. And my slightly outdated kitchen is just fine.
i love that you chose You instead of the kitchen. that just makes me so happy!
DeleteHi Janet - I have lots of thoughts on this topic!!
ReplyDeleteI have always, always hated the pressure on women to be perfect. I remember I was 21 at university and joined an organization called Ad Watch, as I hated the portrayal of women in the media. Yes, even then, when I was young and physically perfect (hehe) and felt enormous pressure already. How sad.
But frankly, at 42, I have two minds on this stuff.
1. Some people do age "gracefully" (i.e. still beautiful) because they have many advantages - wonderful thick hair, great bones, handsome faces, slim bodies, etc. But for the less fortunate women, once the bloom of youth is gone, there is not a lot of underlying strength in their looks perhaps. So if they need to get a little filler or dye or whatever to feel pretty or to preserve their looks - who cares. I look at it as just providing for oneself what nature failed to provide! haha.
2. But on the other hand, I hate this rejection of ourselves "as we are", that to be valued we must preserve our girlishness. There was a wonderful essay on this topic I would advise you to read, written in 1978 by Susan Sontag:
http://www.unz.org/Pub/SaturdayRev-1972sep23-00029
It's about the double standard of aging. The role model for women is the young woman, the girl. And the rest of our lives, we are forever striving to maintain that standard. Whereas for men there are two standards - that of the young man and the attractive older man.
There is no equivalent for women.
But I do think that setting oneself up as superior to other women who get botox and filler, etc. is a bit hypocritical when those same women diet and starve themselves to look young. Everyone uses a different tactic - food restriction, botox, dyes, fillers, etc. Who cares - we are all still striving to look like girls.
So it is a personal battle for every woman, and based on one's strength and self-esteem, we will all deal with it differently. So I really don't care what other women do, and try not to judge them for it. It is a losing battle for all of us, and the sooner we can learn to love ourselves and exercise our other strengths, the sooner we can forget about our goddamned looks!
:)
xo Terri
thank you terri for this thoughtful comment. you should have written the post on aging! you've obviously put lots of thought into this subject. i'd like to think there is another option for us too, besides the botox and starving, i'd like to think we can go down the path of loving acceptance of who we are right now where we are - whether that is the insecure 20 yr old or the aging 70 yr old. and not so much look at it as a losing battle but rather a celebration of...like you say, loving ourselves and exercising our strengths. thanks terri. xo
ReplyDeleteexercise every day and eat healthy. don't be overweight. no smoking. little drinking ( at least for me). get out in the sun every day. don't live with any debt at all. have savings. always keep learning new things. smile. don't own a lot of clothes, but the ones you have should be good and well kept. help others. don't go to the mall unless you have a specific thing you need to buy. have friends over. entertain.
ReplyDeletei have heard it said, the most interesting person you will find at a dinner party is one with natural hands....they are out doing things..... (although I will admit, I do like a manicure every now and then). but the point is, if you are out doing things, you most likely can't have a perfect manicure but you have lots of interesting things to talk about......
love your blog janet.
not for everyone i am sure. but i found it makes my soul content.
love your perspective especially about the natural hands.
DeleteDonna.
to follow up on my comment at 12:14 p.m. on April 7, 2013......to me the exception is faux fuschia.....she is interesting and has great nails!! : )
ReplyDeleteAs my dear Father loves to say -"I've had a lot of cars in my life but the best one is my body - still got miles to go" -
ReplyDeleteI think we just have to enjoy the ride. Nothin a good wash and tune up can't cure. I'm due for an oil change.
Your body and engine look sweet to me.
pve
Surrender. I don't have the energy. Too many other things to do. Oopsie, did I forget about my blog post on laser? Yes, yes, I did. But it was a spider vein, and it was free. I think spider veins don't count. lol.
ReplyDeleteLove your blog! Follower for years.
Cortne
cocoinmagnolia.com
I so agree I turned 40 on Saturday and have decided it is natural here we go, I stopped dying my hair 7 years ago and although I have the few odd grey hairs I am always asked what I use..........um nothing. I simply do not blow dry and colour my hair to death! I have an inspiring grandmother who is 93 this year and she is beautiful inside and out and it shows on her face. Live beautifully with grace in hat!
ReplyDeleteA beautiful 18 year old and her 19 year old brother were tragically taken here in Melbourne, Australia this past week by an act of God/Fate. Their stunned parents would love the chance to see them grow old...I say enjoy the privilege of growing old as it is denied to many! Adore reading your blog....
ReplyDeleteI am with you. I am going to wear colorful scarves and dress like a french woman. Maybe an interesting hat or two. But I will let my wrinkles comes through, along with age spots, for they tell of living life fully.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I'm going the Jane Birkin route and ageing gracefully. And yes you can always tell when people have had stuff done - and when I see this it always reminds me of when an old house has horrible new plastic window frames put in! And anyway, you look beautiful as you are!
ReplyDeleteSURRENDER! for as you said....you're not foolin' anyone!
ReplyDeleteLaura
oh god, I hate the word "surrender" I much prefer "acceptance" as someone else said. Surrender sounds like you have given up.
ReplyDeleteYou look great Janet!
xxoj.
I am 64 and proud of it. I have accepted who I am and the aging process long ago. I teach middle school and coach volleyball so I wear jeans, Converse and tees a lot. Most students are surprised to hear how old I am and think that several teachers much younger than me are actually older. I think the kids must be ignoring all the wrinkles and just looking at my behavior. They always say, "you don't act old". I tell them I am acting 64 because this is what 64 looks like to me.
ReplyDeleteSo, here's the deal. Who do we think is looking at us? The people I care about looking at me already love me, wrinkles, sunspots, graying hair, cellulite, and all.
ReplyDelete