The holidays can be a challenging time for some of us. I should say, for me they are. Crowded parties, markets, parking...everything gets so hectic. Even if you are not hosting you can get caught up in the frenzy. I made it through Thanksgiving and the "big" one is coming up. Gosh they have gotten so hard for me. Life moves on and I feel stuck in the past. It's so hard to describe but I know I have people reading here that have lost loved ones. I was told time heals but that hasn't been the case for me.
I've set the table for a close friend who is coming for dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to just the quiet of this evening and lovely talk. I crave these quiet times. How are you all getting on? Please do tell! x
I think maybe the "heals" are hard to see and feel- not really tangible. And I think that maybe there is a different formula for everyone. Like a custom made garment that will only truly and comfortably, fit one person. These are what I chalk things up to anyway.
ReplyDeleteWe just got home from the funeral of a young man (early 30s) who died after a years' long battle with cancer. His young widow gave the eulogy, the church was filled with his friends from all seasons of his life, and it was lovely, but so sad. I think it's important that we not compare ourselves with anyone else, grieving-wise. I'm glad you're having a friend to dinner.
DeleteOh Janet, I have lost loved ones, but not a spouse - so I can't relate to that part specifically. But the loss of family members and close friends certainly make the holidays seem more melancholy. As I've gotten older some of the magic is gone and I think that is natural because of those losses. I was just saying to someone tonight, "remember how it used to be", so I guess a part of me is stuck in the past too. It's probably my age - 72. It seems important to acknowledge our feelings and take care of that fragile spirit inside of us. Staying clear of the hectic world out there and having a quiet dinner and conversation with a good friend sounds lovely. Take care. xo
ReplyDeleteWondering if our comments go to you for review before publishing. Mine has disappeared, so I will wait a bit before resending. Sending this comment as a test.
ReplyDeleteYes Kathy they do go to review but sometimes comments do disappear and I have no idea why. Love your comment. The magic def seems to be gone which saddens me. xo
DeletePeople talk about holidays like Christmas being the same year after year. They never are. Children grow up and move away. Grandchildren arrive. They grow up. Parents die. Change is constant. Taking the best of the holidays and memories and holding them close while recognizing the grief is my way of coping. I have not lost a husband as you have, and I can't imagine how bereft life would feel.
ReplyDeleteEscaping the hectic and dinner with a good friend sounds so healing.
So lovely to see your post, and to see your dining spot is as chic and beautiful as ever. I really love your linen cloth. It is a difficult time for you, the celebration and passing of the seasons without your loved one. My thoughts are with you and I hope your dinner goes beautifully. While I still have my Mr. I had lunch on my birthday with an old and close friend. The conversation is so soothing with someone who knows your life story and walks with you. xo
ReplyDeleteHaving lost a partner I can relate though I'm lucky to have a 9year old granddaughter who relights some of the magic. It isn't the same, these things never are but the childlike joy does help. This may be the last year she believes in Santa! I think she is hedging her bets just in case.
ReplyDeleteI don't entertain but I'm beginning to think I should but on a small scale. I love the idea of a quiet tete a tete with a friend or even my brother. I'll need strength for that one!
My husband died over a year ago and it is still so very sad. However, I count my blessings every day. I think my husband is with me in spirit. I also got a little dog and he's great company.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has been without a partner for many years the holidays can be lonely. I do have children and now adult grandchildren, and it was a pleasure to host them for thanksgiving this year, something I have not done in a while. It was both wonderful and exhausting! Now I am looking forward to a quiet Christmas, yes I will get together with friends and family, take in a local performance of a holiday classic. maybe a small tree for favorite ornaments. Make a special cookie to take to daughter's hosting of the holiday. No black Friday madness. When the children were small I wanted pile the presents up under the tree, but gifts this year will be more modest and I hope well chosen. And always so happy to see your posts. Darby
ReplyDeleteI feel like I'm in the twilight zone this year. My son went off to college and he is coming home, but it's so different. I put up the tree and I am just inherently sad. Not to be a downer, it's just weird and complex, when we grieve what was and how to move through that. I'm trying. <3 to you!
ReplyDeleteLovely to see your post,Janet. I haven't lost my husband but my lovely older brother has recently been diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia and it's breaking my heart watching my gifted and talented linguist brother now grasping for words in English. And he is such a kind, gentle, caring man. He's only 71. I could cry forever. I think of the "old days" and all the vivacity and thrill of living - celebrating all these birthdays and Xmases and now I just feel full of sorrow and melancholy. My mother died in 2004 and we were very close: I still miss her so much. I know it's "life" and I know "change is the only constant" but it really hurts. So Janet, just keep on with your daily rhythms; living with the light and shadows; putting one foot in front of the other. It's wonderful to have a friend with whom you feel so comfortable. Hope the dinner went well. Love from the UK.
ReplyDeleteHow I miss the people and places that made Christmas such a fun time way back when. But you can't go back, you just have to come up with something new. My daughter lives on the opposite coast; we haven't spent Christmas together in years. I had an airline credit about to expire so I am going out this week for a few days. We will find a tiny tree for her tiny apartment. And drink eggnog and look at the lights.
ReplyDeleteThis will sound like an odd thing to mention but I will anyway.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post, I heard on the radio about something called Widow Camp this morning ... I believe that it is an in-person gathering for people who have lost significant others and everyone interviewed seemed to find it very helpful. Perhaps there is one where you live?
Holidays and birthdays even have never been the same after losing our eldest son 8 years ago. Every year is a little better, but nothing like it was. I no longer put up a big tree. I don't decorate to the degree I did. For the first couple years I did almost nothing related to holidays. The only thing that has come back like it used to be is I make many kinds of Christmas cookies. The rest is fairly minimal. From the start I've accepted that this is just the way it is and it's okay. We all do the best we can as we can - that's what I live by now. Sending a hug as you keep putting one foot in front of the other.
ReplyDeleteThank you Janet for your honesty, your words and photos are always inspiring.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely table to spend an evening at. I wish for you comfort and peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear from you dear Janet; always happy to check in and see a new post! As another reader said, thank you for your honesty. I've always thought that your willingness to comment on all aspects of this long strange journey, not just the bright shiny easy ones, is a secret of why your blog is sooo good, and resonates with us all. You once mentioned that you have learned so much about living and dying. I think about that and wish that you could share some of your knowledge, without any hurt. You're courageous and honest and a lovely soul. I hope your dinner was a joy. xxErina
ReplyDeleteI love seeing you post! I have not lost a husband but man that must be hard!! Life is so unpredictable. I hope that you can find a new normal but still keep Larry's legacy and life alive! I love seeing your day to day simple things you do. The simple things are where I am the most happy - and I love seeing yours Janet! Thank you for the new post. Yes, holidays are tough for me too! The simple things about xmas I try to embrace - like the holiday music and the candles and the lights on the houses are enough for me!
ReplyDeleteI lost my daughter in 2010 and things have never been the same in our family. Lately it seems there are so many losses: My sister-in-law, a brother, two dear friends and another dear friend who is struggling with congestive heart failure which brings home the fact we are getting older and can't do the thing we use to be able to do. I can't imagine losing my husband and the hole and tearing that must cause in one's very soul. With each loss I feel like a piece of my heart is torn out. We have our memories, bitter/sweet. I think as I have gotten older (72) the losses are more painful. But we all have to go on and do the best we can for the sake of those we still have. I try to do a bit more each day and set goals for myself and that has helped. You are doing that Janet even if some days it doesn't "feel" like you are. I would like to thank you for sharing your life, your lovely home and your heart with us with such honesty. You are an inspiration even if you may not realize it. I think of you often and the strength you exhibit and that encourages me....Kay
ReplyDeleteI lost my husband of 43 years this year and everything changed. The simplest most mundane things that are a part of life are different, poorer now in his absence. So I find I have to do things differently so not to fall into the hole his death has left or I may not get out. I’ll put up new ornaments on the tree, make different cookies whatever, all for the grandkids. I know I’ll find light, gratitude, and joy again. That’s what people say. So I’ll wait for that. In the meantime Thank you for taking the time to post during a difficult season. The Gardeners Cottage is most appreciated!
ReplyDeleteAlways enjoy seeing glimpses of your beautiful home and as always my heart goes out to you . Katie
ReplyDeleteI'm just so glad you're back! I kept checking and wondered if you would. You have no idea how your plain speak about grieving is a balm. I am finding the holidays hard too, family brokenness and addiction. The simple things and remembering how much we can do i n a day...that's what i find here. Thank you for being brave.
ReplyDeleteThank you Janet for being here once more. I was feeling low this morning and wondered what I could do. I decided to peruse some of your old posts for their simplicity and your peaceful thoughts and photos. And lo and behold, here was a new post that had eluded me. Thank you for these lovely photos and sharing your authentic and beautiful but imperfect life. Mine is imperfect too, but I get sustenance from tiny touches and pretty surroundings. Yours are the best and they inspire me to create my own and keep going. God bless you this Christmas with some new joys alongside of your deep longing for the days with your dear Larry. xo karen
ReplyDeleteThis post was so welcome today. over the years the family has has become smaller. We gather less for the holidays, especially now that the grandchildren are now young adults. To be honest, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself as I greeted the new year by myself. Somehow seeing your simple and beautiful home cheered me. And I loved seeing all the outfit pictures, You look well. I hope this year brings you peace and happiness, for all of us really. Darby
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