9 days in




Nine days ago Larry lost his fight with cancer.  He died peacefully, which is a blessing beyond words because there was nothing peaceful about his cancer.  From the get-go he was in pain.  Sometimes so severe I didn't think he'd make it.  He truly was the strongest man I've ever known.  We had several near death situations and he always pulled through.  He was so brave.  But this past month was dreadful for him.  The pain and anxiety were unbearable at times.  So I'm grateful that his actual death was peaceful and the pain is gone.





I've learned so much this past 15 months.  So much about living, dying and just surviving.  I'm exhausted but wanted to let you know that all your prayers and well wishes were SO important to us.  Some days I'd just read your comments for strength. 

It has taken me these 9 days to just gather my thoughts and I do believe I want to continue blogging.  It seems so weird for me to go from grief to writing again so we will see how that goes.  But I will tell you some of my calmest moments were being in the garden or just sitting pouring over decorating books.

So thank you again sweet, loving friends.  You all feel like family to me.  xo 

228 comments

  1. I'm so very sorry. Sending thoughts to you of peace and love.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So very sorry for you. Sending prayers.
    Linda

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sending you so much love. I've read your blog for years, and I've missed your posts, but I am so glad you took the time and space to be exactly where you needed to be.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh I am so sorry, my condolences to you and your family. I have thought of you so often, This has been a rough journey , take care,

    ReplyDelete
  5. I left a comment on your IG but wanted to also tell you that I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is a physical pain you feel when you lose the love of your life, but I promise you that you will find your balance again in time. Sending you love and prayers. xo

    ReplyDelete
  6. We send along deepest thoughts for you … and in a garden's own time … for peace, care and balance will again be part of your life.

    Jan at Rosemary Cottage

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have thought of you often. I am so sorry for your loss. May you cherish the memories of Larry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. There are those moments where words are inadequate.I am so sorry for your loss.May God give you strength and be healthy and always remember him.Efi.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I've followed your blog for a couple of years and have enjoyed it so much. I am so very sorry for your loss. It seems impossible for this to happen. My thoughts have been with you. May you find peace.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I hope writing can give you a little rivulet of comfort that may grow. Really I hope peace and comfort find you as much as is possible now. I am so glad his death was peaceful and so sorry that a good man suffered so much pain.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Dearest Janet. I'm so very sorry for your loss. If only it were possible to arrange for an angel to arrive on your doorstep to give you a huge hug.
    You will go on and Larry will stay with you in spirit. Go gently. Things will be tough but you will get through. Your blog reading support crew are here for you. xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. I am so sorry for your loss, I hope that you may find peace and comfort, your Beloved is free from pain now.

    I too have followed your blog for many years - my husband's home town is Redlands and I found your blog when I was looking at images of the beautiful homes in your city. When I visit your blog I always come away refreshed - it is hard to articulate, but soulfulness, kindness, generosity, love and gratitude are the feelings that your blog evoke for me.

    "Though I play at the edges of knowing,
    truly I know
    our part is not knowing,
    but looking, and touching, and loving,
    which is the way I walked on,
    softly,
    through the pale-pink morning light." ~ Mary Oliver

    Rest, friend, better than all of us.

    Sincerely, Kelly G.

    ReplyDelete
  13. So many days I have thought of you and your dear husband... I would come over to the blog to possibly catch an update....and now I see.... Praying that you will have the peace you need to move forward one day .. maybe one hour at the time.... I truly believe the blog will help you as you begin to try & enjoy your garden again....

    ReplyDelete
  14. Janet, I am so sorry for your lose. I have thought of you often during the past few months and said a prayer for you and Larry each time you crossed my mind. Praying for peace and comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  15. My heart aches for you, I know that mourning, pain and sorrow are your companions now. We all love you Janet and know intuitively and through experience that time is a healer. It is time now for you to take care of yourself and only do what you feel is right. I mourn with you and will continue to prayer for your own healing and that you can find peace and meaning in all of this.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My husband is my everything, I cannot imagine your pain right now. I am truly sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh Janet, I am so sorry for the loss of Larry but glad he is at peace now. I also have followed your blog almost from the beginning and it has been such a gift in my life - an affirmation that life can be lovely too. My thoughts and prayers have been with you and will continue. I wish I could be there to hold your hand and tell you it will be ok and you will have still a lovely and fun life in item as I have. With a huge lump in my throat I wish you only love now. - Janice

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dearest Janet - I'm thinking of you - I wish I could help take away your pain - please know we are holding you up in our thoughts and prayers from afar. Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am sorry for your loss. I have walked the walk you are walking and it is a tough one. Your strength will help you prevail. Living through the suffering of a loved one takes some time to overcome and adjusting to their abscence is truly a journey. My heart is with you on your journey. Much love.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Janet, my thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. Knowing your Larry is no longer suffering and is at peace will be salve to your heart during this difficult time of loss.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lifting you up in prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  22. So sorry for your tremendous loss. I can only imagine how difficult it was to see him in so much pain. I am glad that you (may) continue blogging as I truly enjoy your posts.

    ReplyDelete
  23. You are always in my prayers. ❤

    ReplyDelete
  24. It all sounds horrific and I'm so, so sorry you both went through that. I too am glad to read his death was peaceful. Do whatever you need to do to begin healing from the trauma,one day at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm relieved for you that he is out of pain and peacefully passed. I understand the pleasure and calming effect looking at pretty rooms and even writing about them. I feel the same way. I recently took up blogging again and it has felt so comfortable.
    Best to you, sweet friend.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Janet, I am so sorry to hear this. We are here for you if/when you need us. Much love to you.

    ReplyDelete
  27. You have never been far from my thoughts...
    That moment when they tell you, when you cannot imagine the future...the twists and turns of the road...
    I wish for you calmness in the sea of your emotions.
    I wish for you strong comforting memories of your beautiful marriage and life lived so far.
    I wish for you those comforting dreams when he will visit you and leave you stronger to go forward and live life as you must. x

    ReplyDelete
  28. Janet,
    Thank you for sharing this very real part of your life with others. He looks like a kind man, who knew how to have fun. I am so glad you were able to know someone you could respect and love. I will hold you and your loved ones in the light.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thank you, Janet for telling us. I've checked in every day knowing the misery you and Larry were dealing with. You hurt so for them that it's a relief when they are out of pain and at peace.
    Rest, my dear, you deserve it. We are all here lifting you up and wishing we could make you a cup of tea and give you a big hug.
    I'm so, so sorry. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dearest Janet, I am so very sorry for your loss. The love that you and Larry shared shone through in your blog. Time is the greatest healer which is not much comfort now. To know that your Larry is at peace and free from pain is perhaps the only comfort. Be kind to yourself and take time to grieve. Always remember that Larry would want your happiness and he will be with you forever.
    XO
    Marilyn

    ReplyDelete
  31. I am sorry for your loss. Sympathy and condolences to you and your family.
    Peggy D

    ReplyDelete
  32. So very sorry for your loss, I only know you and Larry through your blog, my thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I am so sorry. I wish I could find better words. Thank you for writing to tell us and for these beautiful photographs. You and Larry have shown the utmost courage and strength. I hope you will continue to draw strength from the love of family and friends, and from the beauty of your home and garden.

    ReplyDelete
  34. My deepest sympathy is with you, and wish for a sense of peace to surround you. I have walked this walk with the love of my life, and when he took his final breathe I was truly thankful because it had been a horribly long and painful journey for him. I too was exhausted, and it will take time for you to find your balance a new normal. We lived for many years on Grandview Drive, and I so miss the area. Be kind to yourself.....

    ReplyDelete
  35. so sorry for you and your family. One of the other blogs I read is https://attheendofasuffolklane.blogspot.com She lost her husband a year ago and has continued blogging to give her some structure.
    Janey

    ReplyDelete
  36. You and Larry have been on my mind almost daily recently. I have been so inspired by the beauty you have created in the world. Your posts while fighting and struggling as a couple against cancer have been brave and beautiful.

    I wish you all the best as you adjust to the changes in your world and I am so sorry for your loss my friend and inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I have followed you as you go through this intensely personal and painful episode of your life. I am sorry to learn he is gone. May his memory always be a comfort to you.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Oh, my. Here you are, dear Janet, on the other side. "We" all are with you. You drew us into your confidences during this the singularly most difficult journey of your lifetime and we all fell hopelessly in love with you and Larry. My prayers for you now are simple . . . these ask that you might be gently lifted up and not ever allowed to feel lost or alone.
    with you
    Linda

    ReplyDelete
  39. My heart breaks for you, Janet. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your sweet husband is in a better place, not in pain, but I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. Know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of your loved ones, friends and those who have never met you but feel like friends through your blog.
    Claudia

    ReplyDelete
  40. Thinking of you, Janet. I cried reading your post. May reading this poem give you some comfort as it did for me once.

    A poor—torn heart—a tattered heart—
    That sat it down to rest—
    Nor noticed that the Ebbing Day
    Flowed silver to the West—
    Nor noticed Night did soft descend—
    Nor Constellation burn—
    Intent upon the vision
    Of latitudes unknown.

    The angels—happening that way
    This dusty heart espied—
    Tenderly took it up from toil
    And carried it to God—
    There—sandals for the Barefoot—
    There—gathered from the gales—
    Do the blue havens by the hand
    Lead the wandering Sails.

    Emily Dickinson

    ReplyDelete
  41. oh my darling AJJ. now I can admit to my own loss. my Bob had cancer of the esophagus. and I had never seen such suffering in my life. his path was the same as your Larry's. I don't know how they suffered it all with grace for as long as they did. but they do. you will be exhausted now in every way. without even realizing it. be kind to yourself dearest one. our hearts are ever with you in this heavy loss you're having to bear. God bless you and keep you in His care. and now my own tears. mixing with your own in this loss and new life you will have. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  42. I'm so very sorry, but also so grateful that the end was peaceful. He is no longer in pain, but his spirit is with you. Virtual hugs sweet lady!

    ReplyDelete
  43. I’m so sorry for your loss, you and Larry have been in my thoughts the past few months. My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer in October and had surgery in February. His prognosis is good and they say it was contained. Cancer is such a terrible disease and it seems everyone I know has been touched by it. I wish you peace in your journey forward.

    ReplyDelete
  44. So very sorry for your loss. I'm glad your husband is out of pain now though. Take care of yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Deepest condolences to you, dear Janet, and to your family. Take care of yourself - do what you can, when you can, and let the rest go. Let no one tell you how you should "be" as you continue to travel this road. As we all do after a deep loss - we do the best we can. "Life is a tragic mystery. We are pierced and driven by laws we only half understand, we find that the lesson we learn again and again is that of accepting heroic helplessness."
    - Florida Scott-Maxwell, American writer & psychologist (1884 – 1979)

    ReplyDelete
  46. I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Janet, I am so sorry. May you have peace and comfort. You are so loved! - PM

    ReplyDelete
  48. My condolences. May you find the "peace that surpasses all understanding."

    ReplyDelete
  49. Larry sounds like he was enormously strong and brave. Sometimes the dying teach us how to live. Just over a week ago we visited my husband's 92 year old aunt in hospice, and she was so peaceful and dignified. That's what I took away from the visit: how to live. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that somehow this outpouring of caring will help to carry you, like a wave. Grief is so terrible. I too wish you and your family peace and comfort in the days to come. Violet.

    ReplyDelete
  50. So sorry for your loss and wishing you peace.

    ReplyDelete
  51. What a beautiful man. I'm so profoundly sorry. I wish you healing and peace.

    ReplyDelete
  52. You are a remarkable person, Janet. Larry was lucky to have you by his side all these 42 years; he will never leave your side again because you will find him everywhere now. Meanwhile, rest. With so much love to you,

    ReplyDelete
  53. Oh, Janet...I am so, so sorry. I am sorry he suffered and was in pain, and I'm sorry that you have lost him. Cancer is such an evil disease. What a handsome man...thank you for sharing these photos. My heart and prayers go out to you. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  54. So sad for your loss and for the pain you have both been through.
    Thank you for sharing your highs and lows and even though I don't usually comment, you have true grace and an inner beauty that will see you through this and come out stronger and wiser.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I'm so very sorry for your loss Janet. He looked like such a kind man and I can't imagine what you are going thru. I do hope that you continue blogging and sharing your thoughts. Let us all be here for you and help if we can. I'm praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Sending you prayers of strength and peace. It's a journey I have traveled for the past 7 years. You will make it because he will always be with you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  57. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May you have strength and peace through the love surrounding you.

    ReplyDelete
  58. I pray for you..strength,rest,peace,angels around you,love,beautiful memories.
    Healing.Big hug.

    ReplyDelete
  59. I am so sorry at the news. You have come to mind several times as I long for another post from you and then realize that your lifework is far more important than tapping on a keyboard. I have found in my life that grieving is forever personal that never really ends. It just softens for a while and then roars back in a memory, sometimes with anguish or with joy.
    Take your time.
    Cry.
    Laugh.
    Be kind to yourself.
    Remember the good.
    The bad will fade.
    Pursue the new normal.
    I send you a warm wrap for your shoulders.
    A cup of tea.
    A soft pillow for your head.
    And a ray of sunshine to light the way home.
    namaste

    ReplyDelete
  60. Was just thinking of you yesterday and wondering . . . praying now for you!

    ReplyDelete
  61. I rarely comment, but wanted you to know how sorry I was to see this post in my inbox.
    I have often thought of you both in these last few months & spoke to my husband of the unfairness of it all, as he too list his father to young to cancer in recent years.
    I'm pleased the end was peaceful & Ilook forward to you returning to writing when you are ready.

    ReplyDelete
  62. What beautiful pictures of such a beautiful man. I'm so very, very sorry to read the news, dear Janet, and to hear that this last month was so painful for Larry. Wishing you both peace.
    Rebecca

    ReplyDelete
  63. what a beautiful picture of the two of you. You get some rest now. Just sleep and take care of yourself. So many people are sending love and strength.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Take care of yourself Janet. I lost my husband of 42 years on December 15, 2018 six weeks after diagnosis. Very sad but he was fine with it and we talked and talked those six weeks and he also died peacefully at home as he wished. I miss him.

    ReplyDelete
  65. So, so very sorry for your loss. May you be surrounded by those who love you and be given peace and kindness as you grieve.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Oh Janet, I am so very sorry for your loss. You've been on my mind lately. Sending you much love and comfort.

    Renee in Northern California

    ReplyDelete
  67. I am very sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength.

    ReplyDelete
  68. So incredibly sad. I’m familiar with cancer and it’s not something I would wish on my worst enemy. So very sorry for your devastating loss. Unfortunately time is the only healer and it seems to come at a snails place when dreadful things happen.

    ReplyDelete
  69. I have wondered about you often with your silence. I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  70. Janet, I was so happy to see your name on my email, but very sad for your loss. I am relieved that Larry's pain is over. Prayers for you and support for your future.

    ReplyDelete
  71. My dear Janet,
    Please keep blogging. We need your voice!
    Sending love and peace your way

    ReplyDelete
  72. Janet, my sincere condolences to you and your family. May your heart and mind find peace and comfort.

    xoxo,

    Tim

    ReplyDelete
  73. I'm so, so sorry. I've prayed for you much in the past month since reading your last entry...You have been on my mind in the quiet times and I pray, prayed hard.

    I know this is a great, great loss, continued prayers coming your way.

    <3 ~Amelia

    ReplyDelete
  74. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband & best friend. I am glad to hear that you believe that you want to continue blogging, for I think it is a sign once again of that inner strength you possess. I love decorating as well, & after my husband died I wondered if I would ever again enjoy the things I once did. But I was so happy to find that with a little time I wanted to still do the things that brought me joy & peace...the peace coming mostly from gardening. I was completely unprepared for my husband's death at age 66, so it took me some time to grasp the reality of what happened.

    You will still be in our prayers...you need them now as much as you did during Larry's brave fight. He must have been a very special person.

    Anita ~ the cabin on the creek

    ReplyDelete
  75. Janet, again sending my condolences. I don’t know what else I can say, there’s really nothing to make it right, but know that many are supporting you.

    ReplyDelete
  76. This saddens me so much. Larry must have been an incredibly amazing man to have captured the heart of such an awesome woman. Janet- my sincere condolences to you and your family. I am sending you a great big cyber hug and continued prayers for comfort and peace during this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Janet I'm so very sorry. I've been thinking of you both daily these last months and especially the last week or so. I'm relieved to know the end was peaceful for dear Larry and may he rest in peace. He was an extraordinary man and the two of you clearly loved each other so much. Such a long and loving relationship seems to be a rare thing these days.
    I'll continue to think of you, I hope that you can get some rest and that you hold on to Larry with your memories and your love. You've dealt with it all with so much grace and I know that must have been such a comfort to Larry. Sending love to you and a big hug.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Like so many; we "know you" via your blog, but call you "our friend". The valley of the shadow of death is a walk, not a jog; we - your blog friends - grieve with you. Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  79. I am so sorry- take care of yourself as best you can. You will stay in our prayers. Even through your blog, Larry was a blessing and example to us all.

    ReplyDelete
  80. “The soul takes flight to the world that is invisible but there arriving he is sure of bliss and forever dwells in paradise.”
    - Plato

    ReplyDelete
  81. I am so very sorry for all that you and Larry (and your family) have been through all these months. I wish I could take away your heartache and sorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Dear Janet, What a lovely, happy picture of you and your beloved. I hope you find solace in tending your garden,decorating your lovely home and sending your wise words into the blogging world. We are all here to listen and for you to lean on during this heart breaking time. Sending you lots of love and hugs my friend. (We e-mailed while I was in Paris about what to bring to wear)

    ReplyDelete
  83. Dear Janet, I am so very, very sorry and sad for your heartbreaking loss. I am grateful Larry passed in peace and is no longer in such terrible pain. Please take good care of yourself. I know, in time, you will slowly pick up the pieces of your heart and put it together again. A different heart, but still beautiful. I wish you peace, love and sweet memories... My deepest sympathy.
    All my love, Joan

    ReplyDelete
  84. My favorite analogy on grief. I am truly sorry for your loss.

    As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

    In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

    Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.

    The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

    ReplyDelete
  85. A hug and prayers for you. Words seem inadequate at times. Wishing you peace.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Dearest Janet, my heart aches for you. What a tragedy to lose your partner who's been such a constant in your life. Take care of yourself.
    Hugs,
    Tanja

    ReplyDelete
  87. I woke this morning to find notification of your post in my email. My typical reaction is excited anticipation of what you will be sharing with us, something I so look forward to and enjoy. This time, based on your previous post, I had a feeling the news would not be good. It was with bated breath that I opened the email and saw the words that I knew were coming and tears dropped from my eyes for you and your beloved Larry.

    It hurts my heart to hear of the immense suffering you both went through. The pain of death and the grief that follows are one of life's mysteries that we will all succumb to eventually, but fail to understand. We can only speculate and believe in what the truth may be, but will never know the answer for sure during our lifetime. We must have faith that somehow we will get through it and find peace in the aftermath.

    Believe that Larry will always be in your heart. His soul will continue to touch you, love you and guide you and the memories of your lifetime together will always be there to comfort you.

    I reach out to you with a warm hug and healing prayers and thoughts with the hope that you will continue to find solace in the beauty of your garden and nature, your loving family and friends and all that inspires you. As you ease your way into a new way of life, try to feel the happiness again, bit by bit it will come back.

    All my love to you and your family,
    Your friend from afar, Helen
    May this unusual connection continue...Love you

    ReplyDelete
  88. I am so sorry Janet. There is nothing I can say that has not already been said, and words are often not enough. Know that I will be praying for you and your family and hoping you will find peace and even happiness.
    Darby

    ReplyDelete
  89. Please continue blogging- it’s good for you, and for us.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Janet, I have prayed for you both so much, and I am so incredibly sorry that you have lost your best friend. I hope that you do find a way to write again, and I am in awe that you were able to write this. Thank you for sharing it with us. Your husband was such a handsome man, and you are such a glamorous yet down to earth couple, if that makes any sense. You will still be in my prayers. Be kind to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  91. I'm so sorry. I too have thought of you very often, and when I did I thought of that first picture in your post today. I see the same thing in it now as I did the first time you posted it...such love in your eyes for him. And I remember your words then - was it posted for Father's Day? Whatever it was, you honored him and the love that he gave you and your children, and I thought how wonderful to feel this way about your man. So unfair that you now have to go on without him, but you also have the things he gave you to keep through the rest of this life. And I know you will still see the beauty in it all, and be grateful for what was, because that is the kind of woman you are. Thank you for sharing this intensely personal journey with us. I do hope to keep hearing from you.

    ReplyDelete
  92. We, of course, do not know one another, but I have so valued the beauty and meaning you create here. My heart has been heavy for you since you first disclosed your husband's illness. Know that I send you my deepest condolences.
    I share WH Auden's poem Funeral Blues. Such lovely language speaking the depths of grief.
    Most sincerely,
    Suzanne


    "Funeral Blues" By W. H. Auden

    Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
    Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
    Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
    Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

    Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
    Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He is Dead’.
    Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
    Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

    He was my North, my South, my East and West,
    My working week and my Sunday rest,
    My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
    I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

    The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
    Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
    Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
    For nothing now can ever come to any good.

    ReplyDelete
  93. I am sorry you and Larry had to go through this. I hope you will post when you feel you can to let your readers know how you are doing. My condolences on your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Dear Janet,
    What a beautiful community you have created. I discovered your blog a few years ago and it is one of the few I still come back to regularly for the serenity and inspiration I find here.
    I am so very sorry for your loss.
    Sending love,
    Meg

    ReplyDelete
  95. Your handsome fella . . . what heartbreak and what loss. My heart felt sympathy to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  96. I am so sorry for your loss. Praying for God's comfort and peace for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  97. With deepest sympathy at this very sad time. Comfort from your memories and knowing that your husband would want the best for you as hard as it is.

    ReplyDelete
  98. You have been on my mind. I'm so sorry Larry is gone but grateful his passing was peaceful. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
  99. I am so very sorry you lost your Larry ((HUGS)))) all the way from New Zealand
    Leanne

    ReplyDelete
  100. I'm so very sorry, Janet. Time to take care of yourself now. Love, hugs and best wishes to you! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  101. I get it. All of it. Every Moment.
    19 days in for me. My Peace to you.

    ReplyDelete
  102. I am so, so sorry for your loss! On the 18th of Nov last year my Dad died of cancer too. I have walked this entire path with him until that last breath. He was so afraid of dying and the hours before he was in such a state: it was horrible and heartbraking. So I can relate when you say you are very grateful your handsome Larry died peacefully. I hope at some point you will find peace and calm too again! Many hugs from the Netherlands, Marleen xxx

    ReplyDelete
  103. Janet, I am so very, very sorry. My deepest condolences to you and your family. I hope you are comforted by the love that surrounds you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  104. I can say more than most that I know your pain having also lost my dear husband to cancer. Each journey is personal and nuanced, of course, but I can say from experience that you will get through this - not over it, never will you be over it/him - but through IS possible. Each first will be torturous. But, little by little, you'll walk through each struggle and one day, when someone in the store asks how you are doing, you'll say, "I'm good" and you'll mean it, surprising even yourself. Remember him in your tears and your laughter (it IS perfectly okay to smile and laugh), keep him alive in speaking his name and telling stories of him and treasure the time you had even as you knew it was drawing to an end. My prayers will continue as you walk through this next season of life...

    ReplyDelete
  105. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a quiet reader, but have followed your story for quite some time. Prayers continue for comfort in the midst of grief.

    ReplyDelete
  106. Your honesty and bravery in documenting this very difficult and personal point in your life is so helpful to others who are struggling. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Peace and blessings to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  107. I'm not sure if I have ever commented before but have always loved your blog. I am praying for you, Janet.

    ReplyDelete
  108. Dear Janet,

    I too am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet husband Larry. You both have been in my thoughts for the last weeks and months.

    What a tragedy.... Cancer is so cruel. Thank goodness Larry is free from pain at last. My husband died of pancreatic cancer at 35, and suffered horribly as well. Take all the time you need. You will be able to breathe again.

    ReplyDelete
  109. Dearest Janet
    My most sincere condolences. I have thought of you many times these past months. I hope that knowing people care gives you some comfort.
    Wishing you peace and serenity
    Spud from Australia xox

    ReplyDelete
  110. Dear Janet, my sincere condolences on the loss of your darling Larry. Paula

    ReplyDelete
  111. Dear Janet, Sending you heartfelt loving thoughts during this very difficult time. You and Larry were both so blessed to have a life together.

    ReplyDelete
  112. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray that you can find some time to breathe and feel Gods arms around you.

    ReplyDelete
  113. May you feel God' Peace as you move forward with life. Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  114. I've checked Blogger every day for news of you. Thank you for letting us know. Larry seemed like a beautiful soul and so do you.

    ReplyDelete
  115. I am so sorry. Yes, having been through much the same thing I strongly encourage you to continue blogging and gardening. After I lost my husband it was the garden that helped pull me through...then I found blogging. Both writing and gardening are great helpers in dealing with grief.

    ReplyDelete
  116. Darling, sweet Janet,

    My sincere condolences to you on the loss of your best friend and mate. I am so sorry. You held Larry up with your strength and courage. Your many years with him were a gift. You must be drained and exhausted. Rest in your family and in your garden too. Do not be hesitant to ask for help. I am praying for you, dear one.

    "The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

    Sincerely,
    Isabella


    ReplyDelete
  117. katiestclaire@gmail.comApril 28, 2019 at 8:09 AM

    Dearest Janet, Sending loving condolences to you & your family. I am so very sorry for all you & Larry went through. Yes, grieving is exhausting & after all you went through these past months, I'm sure you are worn out. Be kind to yourself through this new journey. Do not let people tell you what you "should" be doing; do what feels right for you. I believe love is such a strong emotion that it never dies. Larry will still be right beside you. I have read your blog for years & am heartbroken for you. Sending loving, peaceful wishes to you & a great big hug.
    Katie from Huntington Beach

    ReplyDelete
  118. Dear Janet,
    I am so sorry and send my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family... you stood with such quiet courage in the face of the cruelest headwinds... you have been an inspiration, an example of the enduring strength and bravery of the human spirit. As the winds begin to lessen and shift, there will be a widening of places to find solace and refuge. In addition to your garden and books, hopefully one of these will be the exquisite haven you have created, The Gardener's Cottage... where you have given your readers a rare gift in today's world... a respite, built upon simplicity and beauty and peacefulness. Debbie

    ReplyDelete
  119. Debbie- your beautiful words- well thank you for sharing- Janet has such a special family here and I am grateful for being able to partake.
    Libby

    ReplyDelete
  120. Dear Janet
    I am so sorry to hear your deeply sad news. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of your grief. The one poem that speaks to me of grief is by Gwen Flowers. It ends by saying, there is a new way of being. We don't push through grief, it changes us completely and we learn to live with grief. It doesn't mean we won't again know joy; if you have experienced the deepest pain you will be open to joy, whether it comes in huge expressions or subtle ones. Grief is the price we pay for love.
    I hope you can take comfort in the moments of love & connection you share with family, friends & this online community you have created.
    Sending you love, and warmest wishes for the mo this ahead.
    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  121. This is th poem, Janet. I hope it's helpful.

    A Poem By Gwen Flowers Entitled Grief



    Grief

    I had my own notion of grief.

    I thought it was the sad time

    That followed the death of someone you love.

    And you had to push through it

    To get to the other side.

    But I’m learning there is no other side.

    There is no pushing through.

    But rather,

    There is absorption.

    Adjustment.

    Acceptance.

    And grief is not something you complete

    But rather, you endure.

    Grief is not a task to finish

    And move on,

    But an element of yourself –

    An alteration of your being.

    A new way of seeing.

    A new dimension of self.

    by Gwen Flowers

    Warmest wishes
    Karen

    ReplyDelete
  122. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you love ...

    Mar

    ReplyDelete
  123. Oh, honey. Huge hugs to you. Although we don't know each other, I've thought about you often during these last few months. Again, huge, huge, huge hugs to you. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  124. So sad and so sorry to hear of your loss Janet, sending love and strength from a reader in England X

    ReplyDelete
  125. Dearest Janet, I left a comment a few days ago but I wasn't sure if it worked so I wanted to check back and make sure you knew another person cares for you. I have loved your open heart your style, your grace, your wisdom. I very much look up to you and my heart is broken for you. Through this I hope you continue to share your beautiful life, perspective - ups and downs because that is what life is and what makes you uniquely you. Your story is still being written and I am so sorry about Larry's passing and how hard this is. But looking at these comments it is clear how loved you are and how many of us are lifting you up in prayer and thoughts. I wish I lived close so we could meet up, chat, garden together and have coffee. Sending you hugs from Phoenix. xx Diana Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  126. Dearest Janet, I left a comment a few days ago but I wasn't sure if it worked so I wanted to check back and make sure you knew another person cares for you. I have loved your open heart your style, your grace, your wisdom. I very much look up to you and my heart is broken for you. Through this I hope you continue to share your beautiful life, perspective - ups and downs because that is what life is and what makes you uniquely you. Your story is still being written and I am so sorry about Larry's passing and how hard this is. But looking at these comments it is clear how loved you are and how many of us are lifting you up in prayer and thoughts. I wish I lived close so we could meet up, chat, garden together and have coffee. Sending you hugs from Phoenix. xx Diana Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  127. I am so sorry for your loss Janet.

    ReplyDelete
  128. Dear Janet, I have thought often about you both and am so sorry to read your sad news. I couldn't bring myself to 'like' your IG post, but I read your comment about Larry being the strongest, bravest man you ever knew. I think in that you were so well matched. I'm glad he found peace and I hope you will too whenever you need it x

    ReplyDelete
  129. Janet I am so sorry to hear that Larry passed away. I apologize that I didn't comment sooner, I didn't see your post until today. I don't even know what to say except that you and Larry have been in my thoughts every day., and I have been checking in on your blog often. It was a very long ordeal for you, you are such a strong person. My sympathy goes out to you and your family...I can't even imagine the pain you are going through right now. I hope you continue to blog as I think it will be very good for you, you have a lot of readers that will support you through this journey. Many hugs to you Janet.
    Linda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janet,

      I keep having problems having my name come up "Anonymous". Thought I fixed it... :(

      Linda Salazar

      Delete
  130. I am very sorry for your loss. Condolences to all.

    ReplyDelete
  131. Janet, in death there can be peace, in grief there is remembrance, in the garden there is new life around you wherever you look.
    Stay strong, love Suzana from Australia xxx

    ReplyDelete
  132. I am not usually a commenter but have followed your blog from the get-go. I love and admire your simplicity and elegance in every day living. I am so sorry for your loss. You and your hubby had a wonderful life together and may those memories embrace you with comfort. Blessings to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  133. Dear Janet,
    I am reading this sad news with tears in my eyes. Thinking of you and sending prayers for strength, comfort, and peace as you grieve your sweet husband, Larry. Please take whatever time you need for yourself and reach out to family and friends as you need to. Love and deepest sympathy to you.

    ReplyDelete
  134. I am so sorry for your loss. I've been thinking and praying for both of you. 💔

    ReplyDelete
  135. I am so sorry!! Cancer is so hard!!

    ReplyDelete
  136. I am so sorry for you, and for Larry.

    Death is nothing at all…I have only slipped away into the next room…
    I am I and you are you…Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
    Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
    Put no difference into your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
    Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
    Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
    Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
    Let it be spoken without effort, without the ghost of a shadow on it.
    Life means all that it ever meant.
    It is the same as it always was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity.
    What is death but a negligible accident?
    Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of your sight?

    I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner.
    All is well.

    ReplyDelete
  137. Sincerest condolences to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  138. So sorry to hear about Larry's passing. Been thinking of you and will continue to pray for you to find peace. So glad you will continue your blog. You are an inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  139. Dear, dear Janet. I am so, so sorry for your loss and for what you have been through with the love of your life! I am blessed to see that you have so many friends here and that so many prayers are going up on your behalf. I am one of your crowd of witnesses, even though I understand that this does not even begin to heal your heart. I have prayed for you daily and would do more acts of kindness if they were possible. I know you're taking good care of yourself and, even though we miss your words on the screen, you have planted many seeds in our hearts that are bearing fruit as we speak. May God be with you. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Know that you are not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  140. Sending love and peace to you and your family

    ReplyDelete
  141. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending love & peace from Minneapolis.

    ReplyDelete
  142. You two always seemed like an epic, happier-than-normal couple, and Larry was a handsome, wonderful husband. It's wonderful you two found each other on this planet. And it's beautiful that you were able to be there for him so much in his difficult last year of life. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. I'm so happy that you'll keep blogging, because your thoughts are helpful to the world and to saving precious, innocent animals.

    ReplyDelete
  143. Oh Janet, I'm so sorry to hear this, although I'm relieved that it was peaceful at the end. Sending lots of light your way.

    ReplyDelete
  144. My sincere condolences. I pray that you find peace. Hugs to eternity...Pat

    ReplyDelete
  145. Janet, I was so sad to hear about your loss.
    My deepest sympathy to you and your family.
    Like so many others I have been thinking and praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  146. Although I grieve for you, I am happy that Larry is out of pain. I was widowed in my early 30's. Be kind to yourself. It takes a long time to gather the pieces. Lean on family and friends. They do want to help.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Another quiet reader here sending you love. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Janet, I'm so so sorry to read this and my heart hurts for you, even with just "knowing" you thru your blog...The pictures of you and your husband are precious. Praying for your comfort and peace and that walking through your grief, one day at a time, is a healing process for you. So sorry for your loss. Much peace and love and sympathy to you...

    ReplyDelete
  149. So sorry for your loss. Wishing you and family peace during this time. Rest, heal and take care of yourself. May your beautiful yard bring you a spark of joy. Know that all you readers love you as prayers continue.Connie

    ReplyDelete
  150. My deepest condolences to you. Wishing you strength, peace and the warmth of family, genetic or otherwise, during these tough times. It’s clear that your digital “family” loves and supports you so I hope you can take some comfort in that. Larry was blessed to have you by his side. Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  151. May each day become a little easier than the day before.

    ReplyDelete
  152. My deepest condolences to you and your family. And I am so sorry that he was in pain. Many of us have or will go through this with those we love and it's just damned hard. I hope you are surrounded by live and support while you heal.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Dearest Janet, my heartfelt sympathy too. You have cared for Larry, and previously your dear friend through the most challenging of times. Your grace and compassion are inspirational - and I am sure they both drew incredible strength and courage from your presence. Take heart from all our love and sympathy if you can. We are with you. Renie

    ReplyDelete
  154. Janet, I have thought of you often and I am so relieved to hear that Larry's death was peaceful. Your kind spirit comes through your writing and through your example of care for your family (and Larry's father). Thank you for letting us know. Much love to you, girl, and continued good thoughts from a few miles west of you. Sue

    ReplyDelete
  155. I'm so sorry to hear that Larry has passed away. There are no words, except to wish you strength and healing as you cope with the loss of your beloved. Much love, Claudia (Mockingbird Hill Cottage.)

    ReplyDelete
  156. You are both in my prayers. God bless you. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Dear Janet. I send you love and enormous sympathy. It's hard to read about the suffering you two endured. Your own strength and grace have been a marvel to behold. Carole

    ReplyDelete
  158. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband Larry.
    Hope that you are surrounded and supported by loving friends and family as they help you through the grieving process...Larry will never be lost to you, you'll always have those memories of happier times together to sustain you.
    My heart goes out to you in sympathy.
    XO

    ReplyDelete
  159. I am so sorry, Janet. I have thought of you and Larry often, and prayed for comfort and strength for both of you. I witnessed my sister's painful journey through cancer. There was relief when her pain was gone, and I could not wish her back to be in such pain. But the loss and void is still there. Time has eased it, and joy has come again. Now I remember the good times with her. I know you will get to that point... I do hope you will continue blogging and sharing your lovely, simple style with us when you are ready. May you be surrounded by love and kindness.

    ReplyDelete
  160. Deeply sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Janet, I have thought and prayed for you and Larry often. I am so sorry to learn of your loss. I hope you continue to blog, so many of us would surely miss you if you didn't! Prayers continue.

    ReplyDelete
  162. Even in your grief and mourning, You are a beacon of light to other hurting souls. Thank you for not giving up. My prayers are for your healing comfort and peace... and a clear path for your future.

    ReplyDelete
  163. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending much love and light.

    ReplyDelete
  164. I have checked on you mentally and spiritually almost every day. I am so sorry to learn of your loss. Even in the deepest parts of this, know: the bottom holds.

    ReplyDelete
  165. Janet, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Jolene

    ReplyDelete
  166. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to blog because your are a really inspiration. I am so sorry that english is not my first language and I can not express as I will like the respect and admiration that I fell for you. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
  167. I've always loved visiting your blog, and am so sad to hear this news, and think about all you have gone through. I pray that you will feel peace and be surrounded by loving people to help you.

    ReplyDelete
  168. Hello Janet, I’m so sorry for your loss, and at the same time relieved that your husband’s suffering is over. It must have been so hard to see him go through it all. Now you need to take care of yourself, breathe again, do what makes you happy. Grieve. Sleep. Breathe. Take care of your flowers, your home. He’s going to be in every flower, every ray of sunshine, every butterfly, looking out for you from a place where he is no longer suffering. One day at a time, one moment at a time. And his love for you is going to last forever. Take care Janet, and thank you for taking the time to write. Thinking of you xox

    ReplyDelete
  169. I am truly so very sorry for your loss.

    Take some time to adjust. And remember no matter what anyone says death is NOT something you get over...you will get through it but it takes a lifetime. I truly hope you continue to blog when you're up to it...I have missed you. Laura

    ReplyDelete
  170. Janet, I am so very sorry for your loss. May you find peace as your dear husband continues his journey.

    ReplyDelete
  171. I am sorry. Life can be very sad, but hopefully your happy memories will give you some peace.

    ReplyDelete
  172. I'm so sorry for your loss of your dearest partner, Janet. What a tremendously painful experience. Sending you hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  173. I am so sad to hear of your loss. I am sending you lots of hugs and I know the next while will be difficult because you and Larry were a team for so long and now you have this different path ahead. My thoughts are with you Janet. Hugs again.

    ReplyDelete
  174. So so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  175. I hope you do continue blogging. I think Larry was kind of a dream husband. I love the fact he let you decorate your house and was so supportive. A lot of us single gals want a Larry. Again, so very sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  176. Janet and family- I am so sorry to hear of Larry’s passing. Sending you light.

    ReplyDelete
  177. I can't imagine what you're going through. So sorry for your loss. Continued prayers as you begin your new life without your dear husband.

    ReplyDelete
  178. Sometimes grace shows up in life, sometimes in death. What a gift that you and Larry were able to experience both. Sending prayers for rest, sleep and sweet dreams.

    ReplyDelete
  179. Your whole blog family all around the world surrounds you with love and comfort.
    ~skye

    ReplyDelete
  180. I’ve read and enjoyed your blog for years and never commented. I just want to let you know that I am very sorry for your terrible loss. It is very hard - and beautiful - to be an awake human, which you so clearly are. Take good care.

    ReplyDelete
  181. May you find peace during this time of loss. _Marta

    ReplyDelete
  182. Heartfelt condolences from a very longtime reader, wishing you much strength and pleasure in life to come, we will all be here for you. xo

    ReplyDelete
  183. Another long-time reader sending you love and a warm hug. You will continue to be in my thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  184. Dearest Janet,
    Thinking of you and sending hugs and love. I’m so sorry about the loss of your sweetheart. 💕

    ReplyDelete
  185. Hi, Friend. You've had such kind words for me in the past, I'm wondering how to repay you. I'm so sorry. I'm here for you in the silence... With love...

    ReplyDelete
  186. Dear Janet,

    When I opened your blog, I was and still am deeply saddened for the loss of your sweetheart. My heart aches for you and your family.

    The beautiful picture of Larry with his backpack on in the city, was that in Boston? The background looks so familiar. I have a child that lives and works in Boston(800 miles from SE North Carolina). It is the most beautiful city I have ever visited.

    You are in my thoughts.

    Sincerely your friend,

    Debra from SENC

    ReplyDelete
  187. I too have followed your blog for a long time, mostly silently. But not today, I’m so sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
  188. I read your blog regularly a while back, I remember you staying with your father in law and when you finally made it back to your beautiful home. I don't blog anymore but pop in once in a while, I am so extremely sorry for your loss. I have no other words, sending hugs and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  189. I love the simplicity of your blog and have followed for some time. The connection between you is so evident in the photo you posted above. How fortunate to have that connection with your husband and how overwhelming it must be at this time for you. Although words are certainly not enough please accept my heartfelt condolences. Long time reader. Love your lightness and hope you continue to share through your blog. Angela from Canada.

    ReplyDelete
  190. I was so saddened to read of Larry's passing. Thinking so often of you and your family. The love you and Larry had for each other will help carry you through all the days of your life. I pray that each day will bring a smile and a bit of peace as your memories fill your heart. I hope you will, in time, share with us again.

    ReplyDelete
  191. Loss marks time. We move through the after with the memories of before. My condolences. A longtime reader.

    ReplyDelete
  192. Janet,
    I am so sorry to learn of your husband's death. I am thinking of you and praying that you may have comfort and solace at this sad time.
    Jones

    ReplyDelete
  193. Dear Janet : as I write I actually am wishing I could drop by the Cottage with a proverbial bundt cake or casserole, and an exchange of hugs. Can you possibly know how fond of you and Larry we all have become. If only there could be some way to package and ship to you our collective love, prayers and desire for your comfort and healing. Yet, instead, I must to this remotely from the opposite coast. Standing by, remembering how a loss works on one's heart and body, and knowing you ultimately will find your way back into the light, changed but still strong and grateful because I can tell that's how you are.
    with love
    Linda

    ReplyDelete

kindness is never out of style.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Back to Top